


Men and Phantoms

by StrightjacketAvi



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Band Fic, F/M, M/M, Multi, No Underage Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24660142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrightjacketAvi/pseuds/StrightjacketAvi
Summary: The losers club live in Seattle, they all go to the same college and it seems like the life they Brought from derry with them seems to stay the same, until Eddie suggests that they form a band, it sounds like a good idea, but was it really?
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Here we go

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! God I've been hyper fixated on IT for awhile now and I have been sitting on this idea so here it is, I have been working on this chapter for about a week ad a half, because im a writing perfectionist and I need everything to be absolutely perfect so im sorry if these chapters take forever to be released  
> follow me on Tumblr for updates on when im posting and life stuff @Strightjacketavi

Eddie sighed as he put his phone down and looked around the living room.  
Stan sat on the floor with one of his text books open on the table in front of him, he looked like he was lost in his studies. His body was resting between Mike’s legs.

Mike, of course, was sitting on the couch next to Eddie, his legs were crossed and Bill’s head was in his lap.

As he hummed along to the soft music that was playing on the TV in the background.  
Bev and Richie were passing a small vape back and forth between them as they talked quietly.

Ben was still stuck in a night class but he would meet up with the others in the small apartment after he was done. 

Eddie sighed and pushed himself off the couch to his small room to grab his laptop and books so that he could join Stan in starting his homework. That’s why that all met there in the first place, Eddie and Bill had pretty much the same classes so they would usually be talking quietly over their mass amount of english notes and work. He looked around at his small bedroom. He was overtaken with some kind of emotion, he couldn’t quite understand what it was. 

He took a deep breath as he remembered back to what happened when he told his mom that he was leaving Derry and moving across the country to Seattle. 

-

“Eddie bear, what happens if you run out of all your medication? What happens if you get into an accident? What happens when your friends stop being your friend and leave you alone? You know how terrible they all are for your health” his mother screamed when she finally walked up the stairs to his room as he was showing everything that he wanted to take to settle into three suitcases. “Mom, I already found an apartment and I have a roommate that is going to help pay for it, it's a 10 minute walk from campus.” He felt bad for lying about who he bought an apartment with, but he knew that she would have an even harder time letting go of him, if she found out he was going to live with Richie, she would lock him in his room and never let him leave again. 

-

He shook off the memory, he knew that he needed to call his mom soon, he had been ignoring his calls for a few days now, he knew that she was probably beside herself with worry and anger.

But he also knew that she would never ever get on a plane and come to the state that he was living in due to her own fear. 

He quickly grabbed all the textbooks and the laptop that he needed, took another deep breath ready to ask Bill for some help on his English courses.  
As he stepped back out of his room, making sure to close the door behind him, Bev was standing up and shooting death glares at Richie, who was still sitting on the bean bag beside himself laughing. 

Eddie sighed and placed the things he grabbed carefully on the table, and stood back up crossing his arms. “What the fuck did you do now Richie?” He asked glaring daggers at the other boy. 

Richie stopped laughing “Why would you assume that I did something, How absolutely hurtful.” He said dramatically, grabbing onto his heart. Eddie fornwed “Get up you idiot and tell me what the fuck you did.” He began to walk over to Richie to carefully kick him in the leg to get him to sit up. 

Richie shot up “I said that Ben was a lame ass because his class is running a bit late.” He said grinning widely. “Yeah well not everyone got bored after 4 months and decided to drop out.” Eddie said walking over to the kitchen that was attached to the living room.  
He opened the refrigerator and grabbed the water filter before filling up his water bottle, as he was doing that, he heard the font door open, he heard Ben’s shoes enter the apartment. 

“Hey Ben, how was class?” Eddie asked without turning around. Ben laughed, he sounded tired and beat down. Eddie couldn’t blame him, it seemed like all Ben did was schoolwork, even when he didn’t have any classes the next day he was getting a head start on the schoolwork for next week. 

“It was long, I was there from 5 till 10, and then I came over here.” He explained tossing his keys on the kitchen table before Bev came running up and giving him a soft kiss. Eddie finally turned around, he smiled at the couple, they were truly a match made in heaven. Eddie couldn’t help but feel a small pang, he wished that he wasn't so painfully single. Every one of the losers had already been in a relationship, and most of them had been together for many years now. 

First it was Ben and Bev, and then when they had been dating for a couple of months, Bill, Mike and Stan started acting weird when they were together. Turns out they had all started dating each other and were just scared to tell the rest of the losers.  
Richie was a whole other story though, he never really solidly dated anyone, just a bunch of one night stands with girls, and then after he came out, guys. That left Eddie, he had never once dated anyone, he had his first kiss in 8th grade. But never a solid girlfriend, or should he say boyfriend, that passing thought scared the shit out of him, he couldn’t be gay. That wouldn’t make any sense, he couldn’t be gay. 

Eddie sighed deeply and exited the kitchen, Richie had pulled out some weed and a rolling tray, and was trying to roll something on the table. Stan had put his work away, and was sitting on the other side of Mike, with his head laying on the boy's shoulder. Music was still softly playing on the tv, Bev and Ben had taken the beanbag which left Eddie to sit next to Richie, he sat down and watched the others boys long fingers as he was careful about rolling the joint on the tray in front of him. 

Leave it to Richie to have no focus on anything in his life other than rolling. Eddie leaned his head on the boy's shoulder, he never thought that it was weird, it was just their dynamic. It was good that the other losers were so used to it that they never made comments about it.  
Richie was done rolling, he carefully held the joint up to his lips and lit it, he deeply inhaled before handing the joint to Eddie, who took it and held it to his own lips before passing it. It was custom to do a circle with a certain order, all of the others knew the order too, and as they fell into it. 

-

A few hours had passed since Ben had gotten out of class and the losers had smoked two joints between all of them and they were laughing about something dumb. Eddie wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, he was focusing on the music that was still playing softly. 

He thought back to when they lived back in Derry, he used to write songs because he had no other outlet for the anxiety and stress that his mom put him under, so his escape was writing songs that would probably never see the light of day. He replayed the idea of forming a band with his best friends, it wasn’t just a thought that had popped into his head just now, it was an idea that he was toying with for years.

He sat up quickly from where he was laying on the hardwood floor. “We should start a band,” He blurted out. All the other losers stopped talking and started listening to Eddie talk. “Eddie, that is the single greatest idea that you have ever had.” Richie said. “Really? I could write all the songs” He explained carefully trying not to get too excited cause he always talked too fast when he got excited. “Richie can play guitar.” He said and Richie nodded. “Fuck yeah i can” he said high fiving Bev. “You know what? Fuck it, I’m in.” Bev said. Ben looked proud that Bev would be doing something other than focusing all her time in her studies. “I guess I could help with the set up and take down of the equipment. I’ve cleaned up after Richie enough to know what I'm doing.” Stan said which earned a laugh from Bill and Mike. The other three said that they would be 100% supportive, but that they weren’t really interested in being in a band.  
-

The loser kept talking for a couple more hours before they all started exiting Richie and Eddie’s apartment. They all hugged before they trickled out, once they had all left, Eddie got to work cleaning up the living room where they were all sitting. Richie stood in the kitchen and was being helpful and washing dishes for once in his life. 

Once the living room was clean, Eddie grabbed his laptop and books and headed into his room to start his writing project that was due later that week. Once the door to his bedroom was closed and he had started up his laptop, he clicked on his memos, before him lay all the songs that he had written when he was back in Derry. 

He turned on his tv and started playing music again. As The Cure softly played in the background, Eddie started clicking through the Songs that he wrote, they were mostly about how he felt trapped and needed to leave the state. 

He stopped scrolling and clicked on one tilted Richie, he read through it for a couple of lines before he realized it was a song about how he had always felt about Richie. As he carefully scrolled through the lyrics that were laid out before him, he felt all the feelings that he had tried so hard to block out of his mind. Had he really always wanted to feel Richies soft curls running through his fingers? Had he always stared at the way Richie's face contorted when he smiled? 

After reading and re reading the same song over and over again, he heard a soft knock on the door before Richie’s soft voice came through. “Eddie, are you still up?” Eddie barely ever heard Richie talk in a soft voice. He felt a slight panic rise up in his chest. He quickly stood up and walked to his door opening it. “Yeah, what’s up?” He asked.

Richie was standing at his door wearing a loose fitting shirt that went almost all the way down to his knees and no pants. Eddie felt his breath catch in his throat. “I can’t sleep, do you mind if i come in and hang out for a bit? Maybe you can distract me.” He said, winking. Eddie went to go close the door, but Richie stuck his arm out. “I’m kidding, but can I just” He paused “Please?” Eddie nodded and held the door open wider and waved Richie in.

When Eddie turned back around Richie was already laying on Eddie’s bed fucking with the playstation remote and looking through movies. ‘Wow that was fast’ Eddie thought to himself. He climbed back onto his king sized bed and grabbed his laptop and quickly clicked out of his memo’s. “What movie do you wanna watch?” Richie asked, Eddie was clicking on his laptop trying to get back to the homework that he should have started hours ago. “You know i don’t care what movie you put on, probably something horror, i have so much work that i have to do so probably not a movie we haven’t watched yet.” Eddie said as he opened up his history of journalism textbook and started a clean page on his laptop for notes to write a report.

“You should not do your homework and just spend time with me.” Richie whined looking at the screen and trying to pick a movie from the selection of horror movies. “Yes, but then i would be stuck in the house with you all day when i fail out of college” He said laughing slightly and ruffling Richie’s hair. “You say that like being stuck in the house watching movies all day with me is a bad thing.” Richie said finally picking Bride of Chucky. 

“I’m stuck with you when i wake up and see you eating cereal in your underwear and then i'm stuck with you when i get back from class and you and Bev are smoking weed and laughing.” He said, he was picturing the two sitting on the couch basically laying on top of eachother passing a joint back and forth between them. It made him smile. “So the answer is…. No” He said, starting to type out some headers. 

He looked up at Richie who was pouting again, that was the face that he made when he wanted to sway Eddie’s choice or opinion, a strong emotion washed over him as he watched Richie. He didn’t know if it was because he didn’t want to do homework, or because he was just reminded about his lingering feelings about the other boy. “Okay, i won’t do my homework tonight and we can watch movies until you are ready to go to bed.” 

Richie tackled Eddie “OHHH you’ve made me the happiest girl alive.” He practically yelled in a terrible british accent. Eddie laughed as he fell backwards and hugged the other boy. His face was so close to the others, he could have leaned in for a kiss, but he stopped himself. What was he doing? He was just reminded of his feelings a few hours ago, he needed to think more about where he wanted to go from here before he acted on anything too fast. 

Eddie settled back, placing all his school stuff on the table sitting next to his bed. He and Richie had probably watched this movie about a hundred times from now, it was a go to movie when they just needed to sit in comfortable silence, especially when Eddie got overwhelmed because he decided to take more classes than he could handle. 

Richie was humming softly to himself as he lay on his stomach watching the screen on the other side of the room. Eddie took a deep breath, he leaned back on his mass of a million pillows and settled in. His fast paced mind started to calm down a bit as they fell into the pattern that they always did when watching the movie. 

They had probably been watching the movie for less than 30 minutes before Eddie had started to fall asleep, he didn’t have an early class but he still did need to get up before 11, he knew that his phone would automatically set the alarm that he needed, and with that thought he drifted into a deep sleep.


	2. I want to be proud of what I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!  
> I've worked really hard on this chapter for the last couple of days, and I just wanted it to be perfect before I posted it  
> My Tumblr is @Strightjacketavi so keep a lookout for updates there

Eddie heard the chiming of his phone right under his head, he groaned and rolled over onto his side and hit his hand across the phone to make it stop making noise. He let out another groan, and slowly sat up, rubbing his entire face with the palms of his hand, he carefully grabbed his phone and saw that Bill had texted him.’

Big Bill:  
‘Did you start on any of the writing homework last night?’

Eds:  
‘No, i passed out pretty much after you guys left, we can start it together later tonight’

He placed his phone back down on the table next to his bed, before throwing the covers off of himself, he turned slowly when he felt slight movement from the other side of the bed, he saw Richie, half covered with blankets and his long curly hair all over his eyes. Eddie felt his heart flutter, he had forgotten that they had fallen asleep watching TV last night. 

He looked over and smiled softly at the sleeping boy next to him, he felt his heart swell again. He sighed loudly and finally pushed himself to get out of the bed, he moved around the room carefully so he didn’t wake up the other boys peaceful sleep while he took a shower and got ready for class. 

When he was done showering he realized he had no motivation to put on anything other than sweatpants and a hoodie, he threw them on before shoving everything that he needed into his schoolbag, grabbed his keys off the table and pulled out his phone to text Bill 

Big Bill:  
‘I’m outside, hurry it up i need coffee before these journalism classes’ 

Eds:  
‘Shut up, i’m on my way down, don’t get your panties in a wad’

He quickly exited his apartment and locked the door. He practically sprinted down the stairs and out to Bill’s car that was parked where it always was. Eddie practically jumped into the passenger seat. “How was the rest of your night Bill?” Eddie asked pulling out his phone and going through all the texts that he had missed from his mom, he just started deleting all of them, he wanted nothing to do with her right now, and he especially didn’t want her to find out about the big band idea that he had. “Well you know, I just went back to the apartment with Stan and Mike and kinda just did some homework and passed out.” He explained as they started driving to their favorite coffee shop.

It was almost tradition, since Bill and Eddie were pretty much in all of the same classes because they had chosen the same major in college, they both had writing majors with Minors in journalism, when they had journalism classes, they also went to get coffee before those classes. 

After a short drive they pulled up to their favorite coffee shop and got out, they ordered and got their drinks, when they got back into the car, Bill turned on the car and started driving back to the campus. After Bill had been quiet for a while he spoke up, “Are you serious about the band idea?” He asked turning down the radio and waiting for Eddie to respond. “Yeah, I think that it would be a good outlet for Richie, you know since…” Eddie trailed off, Bill just nodded.

They both knew how bored Richie was and how much he was lying to his parents about still being enrolled in classes, he had dropped out of all of his classes about 6 months after they had all moved there, they were only in their first year of college, so that had only been about a month ago. He had pretty much fallen into a deep state of depression because all of the other Losers were still enrolled in all of their classes, so he was pretty much alone all the time in Eddie and his apartment, expect for the few hours that he worked at a local diner, but the diner still thought that he was enrolled in college and only gave him a few hours a week.

“I actually have been writing songs for a few years now, I used to write them as an escape from my mother.” Eddie explained sipping on his hot coffee carefully. Bill’s eyes widened, “Really? Eddie, I had no idea, I can't wait to hear a few of them.” Bill said as they pulled into his assigned parking lot at the campus. Eddie blushed slightly, “I don’t really think that they are any good.” He said getting out of the car and grabbing his heavy bag from the passenger seat floor. Bill rolled his eyes and locked his car “Eddie, if your songs are as good as your writing, I don’t think that you have anything to worry about.” He paused, “You know, Stan is right about you.” Eddie furrowed his brows, “What was he right about?” Bill laughed as they pulled open the double doors to this building “Nothing bad, He just said that you doubt everything that you put into the world, His biggest concern is that you form the band and then get freaked out that you aren't good enough to continue doing it and handing the band over to Richie.” He explained as they arrived at the door to the lecture room. 

Eddie sighed, Bill and Stan were both right, he never saw the talent that all of his friends saw. But the band would be different, he would put everything that he had into the band, and it would finally be happy with something that he put into the world. “Thank you both for your concern, but i'm ready to be proud of something that i put into the world, and that is going to be this band.” He said as him and Bill took their seats.

‘Yeah’ he thought ‘I’m finally going to be proud of something that i’ve done’

-

By the time that Bill and Eddie had gotten out of classes, it was around 5pm. Bill said that he had to pick up Stan and Mike and they would be back over later to hang out and talk more about Eddie’s band idea, Eddie thanked him for the ride, said his goodbyes and ran back up the stairs to the apartment. 

When he had finally opened the door to the apartment, he kicked off his shoes and made his way over to his bedroom, he could hear soft talking coming from behind the door.

He slowly pushed the door open and saw Richie sitting up on Eddie’s bed, messy hair and holding his phone up to his ear. “Yes mom, I'm doing good in all my classes. Eddie has been pushing me to do more homework every night that I have it.” There was a pause before Richie started talking again. “No mom, I won’t let this band take away from my schooling”

As Richie continued to talk to his parents, Eddie placed all of his school things on his desk next to the TV and started to head to the closet, he pulled on a pair of fresh sweatpants and a tee shirt before sitting on his large bed next to Richie. 

Richie and his mom talked for a few more minutes beside Eddie before hanging up the phone and flopping backwards onto Eddie’s mass collection of pillows. “God, why is it so hard to talk to my mother over the phone and tell her I dropped out?” Richie questioned, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Because you know the minute you tell her she’s going to try to pull you out ofSeattle and back into Darry.” Eddie explained leaning back on his bed next to Richie. The other boy sighed loudly “Well, i did tell her about the band, she said that it would probably be a good way to get.” He paused holding his hands up to do air quotations with his hands. “To get the noise I used to play in her house out of my body and onto a stage.” He said laughing slightly. 

Eddie joined Richie in laughing “Just for the record, i don’t think that the music you play in your room counts as noise.” He explained “You’re really talented” Richie smiled “Thank you, It really means a lot.” He says turning on his side to face Eddie. 

After a few moments of silence Richie spoke up again “Have you thought of a name for the band yet?” Eddie sighed “Not really” He thought for a moment “Bill and the others are going to come over later and discuss more about the band idea, Bill said that Mike wants to manage the band, help us find gigs and whatnot” Eddie explained with a big smile on his face. Richie pumped his fist in the air. “Fuck YEAH MIke!” He said almost yelling, Eddie burst into giggles. 

-

Richie and Eddie were sitting on the floor while the rest of the losers were sitting around, Eddie had been scribbling band names that Richie was throwing around, Mike had his laptop open in front of him and was writing on a calendar what everyone's schedule was to work out band practices, he was also writing down local venues from the page that was open in front of him. 

Bill was helping Stan layout and write blurbs about some of the photos that he had taken for class, Stan had his head on Bill’s shoulder, and his legs across Mike’s lap. Bev Was holding her guitar and was strumming out a few chords and Ben was writing them down when she said them aloud. 

Richie was being Richie and fucking around and saaying gross things for band names, Eddie was hooting down every single thing that came out of Richie’s mouth. 

They had probably been at it for a couple of hours before Bev set her things down carefully and stood up “Well, I need a cigarette, anyone else want to come with me?” Everyone had turned her down besides Eddie and Richie. 

They both stood up and followed Bev onto their small balcony, as soon as they were out, Bev stuck a cigarette between her lips and lit it, Richie did the same, Eddie stood quietly to the side and watched them smoke, he held out his hand to Richie from time to time waiting for him to plop the cigarette between his fingers, when he was holding it. He had two words pop into his head 

Synthetic Cigarette 

“I have an idea for the band name!” He said quickly, giving the cigarette back to Richie. “I knew you had it in that beautiful head of yours” Richie said smiling excitedly. Eddie let the comment that would usually make his heart soar pass through his ears without recognition. “Well what is it Eds?” Bev asked. Eddie ignored the nickname that they all had given him throughout the years. “Synthetic Cigarette” Eddie said hoping that his friends would think that it was as good as he thought that it was. “I love it!” Richie and Bev said at the same time. Eddie nodded at the two still smoking and ducked back into the apartment. “Guys!” He said addressing the room, everyone had stopped what they were doing, Bill had sat up which earned him a pout from Stan because he could no longer lay his head on Bill’s shoulder. “I thought of a name.” Eddie said quickly, he knew that when he got excited, he started talking rather quickly. 

“Well what is it?” Mike asked in his sweet deep voice. “Synthetic Cigarette” Eddie said happily. Stan and Bill nodded that it was a good idea, MIke quickly wrote the name down on the calendar and the notepad that he was writing on, Ben just smiled tiredly, he had been at class all day and was just exhausted. “I really love that Eds,” Ben said finally, “It fits all of you” He explained.  
Not shortly after, they had all agreed that it was a great name for the band, Bev and Richie had slipped through the sliding glass doors and returned to their seats. 

“Well welcome to the one millionth meeting of the losers club and the first official meeting of Synthetic Cigarette.” Mike said, the room erupted in cheers, Eddie sat back feeling proud of himself for the first time in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading


	3. One, Two, Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! I'm so sorry about the delay on this chapter, I had really bad writers block, I also suck at chapter summaries so im sorry about that  
> The song in this chapter that I used is call Happy pills by Weathers, I have a couple songs for this fan fiction so if you want those ill make a master list

That night after the other Losers left, Eddie walked to the kitchen and started brewing some hot water for tea. As he made the tea Richie flopped on the couch trying to find something to watch, Eddie grabbed his mug and a soda from the fridge before walking back over to Richie and handing him the soda before sitting down next to him.

“Mike said that next weekend we have our first show, he booked it on the ride home.” Richie said turning off his phone and popping open the top of the soda can and taking a sip. Eddie smiled into his mug and grabbed the blanket that was laying over the foot of the couch and wrapping himself in it. 

Eddie watched the youtube video that Richie was watching, they stayed in silence for a couple of minutes before Richie broke the silence, “Eddie, how long have you been writing songs?” Richie questioned, Eddie sighed and placed his mug on the table before grabbing his laptop off of it and starting it up. “Since we were freshmans in highschool, maybe a little before that, I always thought of them as poems but they turned into songs during highschool.” He explained pulling up his song folder, quickly existing out of the songs about Richie. 

“Do you think maybe i could read one of them?” Richie asked, Eddie blushed and clicked on one. Richie’s eyes darted across the screen as he read, Eddie bit his lip with anxiety. 

“This is really good Eddie, where did you unlock talent like this?” Richie asked grinning at the other boy. Eddie stuck his tongue out “The same place you dropped yours.” Richie faked falling over and Eddie laughed. “You know if you finish up the lyrics I can start writing melodies to them.” Richie said, trying to get Eddie to stop laughing. 

Eddie smiled, “I can do that” he said, opening his laptop back up. He reopened the song that he let Richie read and started back up. Eddie realized that he had to change all the lyrics that had boys in it to have the word girl. Eddie sighed as he was pretty sure that Richie had already seen, but maybe he would forget when he read the rest of the lyrics. 

They sat in silence as Eddie continued the song that he started so many years ago, Eddie finished up the song in an hour, he copied the link and sent it to Richie. Richie was fucking around in some video that Eddie didn’t really care about, he opened the link and quickly read through the rest of the song that Eddie had written. “Eddie this is really really good, and you only finished it in an hour.” Richie said as he grabbed a notebook from Eddie’s things and placed the phone next to it, the next time that Eddie looked over at Richie he was writing out notes and chords for the song that Eddie had written. 

A few days time - 

Eddie looked out on the room, Richie was standing in the other corner setting up his guitar and the small little amp that he had. Stan was drinking a soda and laying in between Mike and Bill. Mike was looking through a large planner and Bill was typing away on his laptop, Ben was jotting something down in a large sketchbook. 

Bev poked Eddie “Are you going to show me the lyrics or am i just going to be screaming in the background of this song?” She asked laughing, Eddie held up the print outs, “I’m assuming that Richie already played out the melody for you.” Bev nodded in response, “You know he lives for anytime that he can play the guitar when you are in class right?” Bev asked, Eddie just stood there opening and closing his mouth almost forgetting how to breathe. Bev laughed again and grabbed the papers that Eddie was holding. 

He read and reread the lyrics starting to panic, what if the other losers hated the song? What if they just hate his singing voice? He shook all the thoughts from his head when Mike cleared his throat “Alright, here we are first official practice, as I have been chosen to be the manager of this shit show.” Stan almost spit out his drink laughing, Richie laughed as well, Eddie just stood there smiling like his face would rip open.

“As I was saying, I think that Eddie and Richie have been working hard on this song, so I'm very excited to hear it.” Mike said and nodded to Eddie. His response was turning bright red, and then nodding at Bev and Richie and quietly saying “One, Two, Three.”

“I take my pills and I'm happy all the time  
I'm happy all the time  
I'm happy all the time  
I love my girl but she ain't worth the price  
She ain't worth the price  
No, she ain't worth the price”

Eddie felt a weight that was on his shoulders as he sang the opening lines to the song, as he continued he started smiling and actually getting more into performing the song. 

As he sang the last of the lyrics, Stan stood up and rushed to Eddie and hugged him tightly “You wrote that?? Like you really wrote that?” Stan asked pulling Eddie into another hug, Eddie smiled brightly at the other Losers that were at a loss for words but were all smiling.

“I wrote it when i was living with my mom.” Eddie explained, the room went silent. “But fuck, I’m far away from her now and haven’t talked to her in like a week so im feeling good.” He explained quickly. The group did a collective cheer, not trying to be too loud so they wouldn’t disrupt the other apartments, as they had gotten complaints before. 

“Alright, so, I did book a show for next weekend, meaning that we need a couple more songs, they don’t have to be original, but we need at least 4 songs.” He explained grabbing the notebook that he was jotting down notes in earlier that night. He turned to look at Eddie, “I’m assuming that you have some ideas.” Eddie smiled, “I have a few.” He said blushing again. The losers laughed.

-

It was now 2:30 in the morning, Bev and Ben were the first people to leave, Ben had an early morning class. After they left Stan, Mike and Bill ended up staying for a few hours after they had decided on a line up for the show. 

After Eddie had shut the door, he made another cup of tea and sat back on the couch as Richie was fucking around in the same video game he had been playing a few days ago. 

“So, how do you feel about the show we are playing next weekend?” Eddie asked, dipping the tea bag in and out of the cup he was holding. Richie paused the game and turned to look at Eddie, “Honestly I’m thrilled all the guys are going to be all over me.” Richie said flexing his arm. Eddie laughed and threw a couch pillow at Richie. “But you,” Richie said, sitting up quickly and scooting closer to Eddie “You are the one who should be excited, you wrote the two songs we are using AND you thought of the idea and you chose the name of the band.” Richie said smiling.

Eddie looked down at his hands before responding “I guess that I'm finally putting something I’m proud of into the world.” he said almost shyly. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Richie spoke up again. “I have always liked your writing, even when we were in highschool, I thought that you were.” he paused, “Really talented.” he finished. “Really?” Eddie asked, taking a long sip of his tea. “Really, you are crazy talented, you know Bev and i never had a doubt that you would major in writing.” He said, stealing Eddie’s cup and taking a sip of his tea. Eddie reached for the cup trying to grab it, Richie just held it higher. 

Richie drained the rest of Eddie’s tea and gave Eddie his cup back, “Well you can go to bed, I’m probably going to be up for awhile.” Richie said un pausing his video game and starting to play again. Eddie nodded placing his cup in the sink and heading to his room, when he got to the door to his room he turned around. 

“Actually, I am probably going to be up for a while, do you wanna come watch a movie maybe?” Eddie asked leaning against his doorframe. Richie turned off the game “Only if we can watch Bride of chucky again.” He said stretching and standing up. Eddie thought for a moment before sighing “Fine, but don't take all my good pillows you have a habit of doing that.” he said opening his door wider. 

“Maybe you should buy me my own pillows and I would stop sleeping in your room.” Richie said tapping the end of Eddie’s nose and entering the room. ‘But I like you sleeping in my room’ Eddie thought before shutting the door behind them.


	4. I hate Richie's terrible jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes another chapter, I worked for a long time on this one to make sure everything was perfect  
> follow me on Tumblr @Strightjacketavi for updates to when chapters are posted

Eddie and Bill were sitting in a coffee shop downtown, Eddie’s side of the table had three different books open as well as his laptop and his planner and notebook open. Bill on the other hand only had one book open, one notebook and his laptop.

“Fuck I hate this class more than I hate Richie’s terrible jokes.” Eddie said, sighing loudly and dropped his head on his arms. Bill laughed “Then why the fuck did you agree to take journalism?” Bill asked, throwing his pen down and grabbing his mug of coffee and taking a long sip. 

Eddie pouted “Because, I hate taking classes with assholes, and you aren’t an asshole, plus you help motivate me.” he explained closing almost all of the tabs that he had open on his laptop. “Can we leave yet? I’ve already drank all of my coffee and Richie keeps texting me pictures of him, Bev, Stan and Mike all hanging out.” He opened his messages and showed the other boy. Bill sighed loudly “I do want to go see my boyfriends, plus I'm almost done anyways, so i guess that we can leave.” he said starting to shove everything into his shoulder bag.

Eddie silently thanked the air and started shoving his own things into the bag that he brought, he grabbed his keys out of the front pocket of his green backpack and shouldered his own bag.

Eddie was a pretty good driver he thought, he also memorized the routes to all of his friends houses’ 

The drive to the apartment where Bill lived was short, they just listened to music loud and sung along, Eddie was already making mental notes of all the songs that he wanted to cover for the band, which was already a pretty long list.

When they arrived, Bill pushed the door open and was immediately attacked by Stan and Mike, both of them getting a kiss. Richie rounded the corner with a shit eating grin “What Eds? I don't get a kiss hello?” He asked, making a show of pouting his lips and looking upset. “Shove it up your ass Richie.” Eddie said pushing into the apartment and taking a seat in his usual place. 

“Oh fuck you guys have already started smoking, what the fuck?” BIll said in a joking tone, Bev laughed and handed Bill the lit joint. Eddie looked around for Ben after realizing that he wasn’t there. “Where is Ben?” Eddie questioned, placing his bag next to him. Bev rolled her eyes “He fell asleep, like the lame ass that he is.” She said, rolling her eyes and taking a hit off of her vape. 

“He’s always sleeping.” Richie explained and handed Eddie a cup of tea, Eddie thanked him and looked at what they had been watching before they got there. It was some YouTube channel that explained weird paranormal stuff. Eddie dipped his tea bag into the hot water to get more tea out of the bag.

“Well, do you blame him, he’s always at school, the man is TIRED.” Stan said from the place in Bill’s lap. Richie laughed “Now I bet all of you wished you dropped out with me.” He said, Bev threw a pillow at his head, “Not even close Trashmouth.” She said laughing as the pillow came flying back hitting her in the head.

Eddie laughed spraying tea all over the front of his shirt, he pouted dramatically before digging the hoodie that he brought with him out of his bag and going to the bathroom to change into it.

When he came back from the bathroom the losers were crowded around Bill’s computer, looking at something, Eddie joined the next to Bev “What’s that?” He asked, looking at the small model of a stage on Bill’s computer screen. “It’s the venue that you guys are playing at.” Stan explained taking a final drink of whatever was in his cup.

Stan stepped out of the way so that Eddie could take a closer look at what exactly they were gawking at, it was pretty significant space for what it was. Eddie started to get nervous all over again, What would happen if no one liked his songs? What would happen if Richie or Bev drops out of the band?

He shook those anxious thoughts away quickly, as the other Loser’s seemed really excited, he joined in their happiness as they talked for hours.

-

Mike stood up after they had been talking about random shit about school, and Richie’s work schedule. “Alright, well me and my boys gotta go to bed, so I guess this is the nice way of me kicking you lovely people out.” Mike said, Eddie grabbed all the cups that were sitting on the table and brought them to the kitchen sink.

Richie and Bev had already grabbed their bags and were standing around hugging everyone. Eddie walked over and hugged and kissed them all goodbye, before Stan pulled him aside. “Eddie, how is Richie really?” He asked as the other Loser’s fell back into talking like they always did. “He was on the phone with his mom the other day, and he has been keeping the lie alive, he kept telling his mom that he was doing good in school and that he wasn’t going to fall behind because of the band.” Eddie explained while Stan nodded along. “I don’t think he’s okay, he’s been up all night like every night.” Eddie said looking back to Richie laughing at something. “I don’t know how to tell him that he needs to tell his parents sooner rather than later.” Eddie said looking at Stan waiting for him to tell him what to do just like he always did. 

“Well, just tell him that he will be less stressed after he tells them.” Stan said, placing his hands on Eddie’s shoulders and looked at him, “Just be nice about it, you know he only seriously listens to you, just like you will only listen to me and him.” Stan explained, he turned to Mike who had just walked over and put his arm around Stan’s waist. “Just think about it Eds, it’ll come to you.” Stan said giving Eddie one more hug before Eddie turned to Richie and Bev “You guys ready?” Eddie asked, Bev slipped her arm around his waist “Ready Freddie” Bev said as they exited the apartment and walked to Eddie’s car.

-

It had been about an hour since they had gotten home, Eddie was just starting to settle down to get ready to head to bed because he had an early class in the morning, right when he was leaning over to turn off his light he heard a soft knock on the door. “Eds, i can’t sleep again, i’ve been trying for the past couple of hours.” Richie said leaning against the doorframe. “Richie, we’ve only been home for an hour.” He said, sighing loudly. Richie laughed “Still, I can’t sleep.” 

He didn’t even wait for Eddie to invite him in, he just entered into his room and plopped himself down on Eddie’s bed. “Well, I guess since you are already here we could watch something.” Eddie said leaning over and grabbing the remotes and turning on the tv. 

Richie quickly grabbed the blanket that he left in Eddie’s room the other night when they rewatched Bride of chucky for the thousandth time. Eddie started browsing, they could always keep watching the show they had been putting off finishing. Eddie mindlessly chose Dexter, and sat back to watch it.

-

They had made it through 5 episodes before Richie started talking “Eds, why do you think that I’m not sleeping much anymore?” Eddie rolled onto his side to look at Richie. “It probably stems from the stress of not telling your parents that you dropped out of school, and that you barely have any shifts so you are always in the house unless Bill or Stan or Mike invites you over after they get out of class.” Richie lowers his head, “You know you are probably right Eds, like always.” He looked over at the other boy. 

Eddie smiled back “You don’t have to jump in and tell your parents right away, start with telling your boss so you can get more hours, than when you feel the most comfortable tell your parents that you dropped out.” Richie nodded, Eddie was glad that he understood that he needed to tell his boss before his parents. “I work tomorrow night so i’ll go in and tell them that I dropped out and need more hours?” Richie formed it as a question and Eddie knew that the only thing that he wanted from that was confirmation that it was a good plan.

“Yes, that sounds like the best course of action.” Eddie responded, giving him a warm smile.  
-

They ended up watching almost a full season before Eddie realized that Richie had passed out, he looked over at the clock and realized that it was already 4:15am, he groaned and grabbed his phone texting Bill that he wasn’t feeling well and that he wouldn’t be going to class that day. He looked over at Richie and smiled, he always looked so calm when he was asleep.

He carefully paused the show and turned off the TV, before turning out the light and carefully grabbing his laptop, and heading out to the balcony to watch the sunrise and to get a little bit of writing done for school.

The air wasn’t frigid, but it was still almost too cold to be out there in a tee shirt and thin pajama pants. He carefully placed everything down that he had brought with him before grabbing the blanket on the couch and bringing it outside, he carefully wrapped himself in the blanket, before realizing that it smelled like Richie.

He didn’t want to be weird but he enjoyed the boys blankets because they were comforting and they smelled like him. Eddie just sat taking in the warmth that the blanket was providing before he actually opened his laptop to try to get a little something done. 

He opened the google doc that he was working on in the coffee shop with BIll, but just couldn’t think of anything to add. So instead, he opened a whole new doc and started writing out simple lyrics that he wanted to add to a new song that he was writing.

He had probably been writing for only ten minutes before he realized everything that he had written out seemed like a love song, and to make matters worse, a love song about Richie.

He read it back over and realized that he was in more than he had originally thought that he was, he kept looking back over the lyrics and feeling tears come to his eyes.

He was terrified and he knew that he couldn’t tell Richie because he probably didn’t feel the same, and if he did, that would solve everything. But Eddie knew that it would never be that easy, he remembered that he still had to think of his mom finding out. He knew that if she found out, it would be a round trip ticket for her, she would be there to pack up his entire life and move him back to Derry.

Eddie kept reading and thinking about it, and ended up actually crying, fucking hell, he was hopelessly in love with Richie.


	5. What's on your mind Eddie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the delay of this chapter!! Life kinda took over and I needed a couple of days/weeks to figure everything out  
> This chapter is a little shorter than the others that I have posted, I hope you don't mind, I have the next several chapters mapped out and I can't wait to post them!!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter

Eddie rolled over to the sound of soft crunching, he tried to shake the sleep from his mind but it was still fogging up his judgement, he could also hear the TV playing lightly next to the crunching. 

When his eyes were fully open, he saw Richie, sitting cross legged holding a bowl of cereal and watching TV. 

“Oh, finally you’re awake, Stan and BIll have been blowing up your phone for hours.” Richie explained putting his cereal in his lap, “Why didn’t you go to class?” Richie asked. Eddie sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and reaching for his phone, just as Stan had started calling again. 

He groaned and hit the answer button, “Hello?” He said sleep still fogging up his voice, “Finally, Are you okay? What the fuck happened? You texted Bill that you weren’t feeling good, did you go back into a deep state of depression?” Stan started with the rapid fire questions like he always did when Eddie didn’t go to class.

Granted right after the first month of being in school, he got so overwhelmed that he fell into a state of depression and didn’t go to class in fear of having a full blown panic attack. 

“No, Stan I'm okay, I was just up really late due to insomnia, and I was working on finishing up a paper.” He explained, Richie had gotten up off the bed to put his cereal bowl in the sink. 

Stan was breathing in deeply, “God Eds you scared the shit out of me.” He was saying as Richie came back into the room and picked up his phone to scroll through his various social media. “I’m sorry Stan, I promise that it won’t happen again, and if it does I promise that I will let you know what is going on.” He said Stan thanked him, said he loved him and hung up.

After the phone was hung up, Eddie laid back on his pillows. “So, why didn’t you go to class?” Richie asked, as he placed his phone face down on the bed. “I watched the sun rise, I just couldn’t fall asleep, plus I needed to finish that paper that I was working on with Bill.” He said, not fully a lie, he just left out the part that he started crying over Richie on the balcony, and wrote a whole song about it. 

“Are you okay?” Richie asked with a genuine look of concern in his eyes, which made Eddie’s heart flutter. “I’m okay Rich, really.” He said smiling softly at the other boy, “I’m just really caught up in this paper, I just can’t seem to put a good ending to it.” He explained before leaning over and grabbing his things out of his backpack. 

“Again, it’s not too late to drop out with me.” Richie laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at the other boy. Eddie laughed with him, it didn’t seem like the worst idea but he loved his degree and he loved his classes. 

He shook the thoughts of dropping out from his head as his computer started booting up, he just needed to finish this paper and then he could write more for his own pleasure, something that no one else had to look at. 

“I think I’m going to tell the diner that I dropped out today, and try to get more shifts.” Richie said as if it wasn’t that big of a deal for him, but Eddie knew that it was really hard to admit defeat, especially due to what Eddie called sand in his brain disorder. 

“That’s really exciting Richie, more money for you, plus you won’t have to sit at home all day alone.” Eddie said as he watched Richie softly smile. He knew that Richie only listened to Eddie. 

Richie stood up, “Speaking of which, I have my shift in half an hour, So I should probably start getting ready.” Eddie nodded and watched as Richie left his room. As soon as Richie left the room, he opened his personal google doc and started adding to it, he needed to add more to the song that he started last night, it was turning into more of a coming out song.

Eddie closed his laptop and headed out to the living room, Richie was still in his bathroom getting ready, Eddie turned on the TV and started playing the playlist that he listened to when he needed to get inspired to write. 

Just when Eddie tucked in and started writing Richie came out of his room and grabbed the bag that he took to work with him. “Do you need anything else before I head out?” Richie asked, Eddie shook his head, “Just remember, It’s not as scary as you think it is.” He said waving to RIchie as he left the apartment. 

As soon as the door closed behind Richie, he grabbed his phone off the coffee table. He opened it and pressed the call on Stan’s name. The phone rang twice before Stan answered it, “I need to talk to someone.” Eddie said before Stan could even say hello. “I promise it’s nothing bad, I just need to talk.” Eddie explained, he knew that he was talking quickly, but he was just anxious. “I’ll be right over Eds, just give me about 10 minutes.” Stan said before hanging up the phone.

Stan kept his word and was there in 10 minutes just like he said he would, he pushed open the front door. Eddie was sitting cross legged on the couch eating a bowl of ramen, watching some random thing on youtube. 

“What’s going on Eddie?” He asked as he placed all of his things on the kitchen table like he always did when he came over. “I just need to talk, you know how much I hate being in the apartment alone.” Eddie said standing up and hugging Stan hello, before placing his bowl in the sink and starting a pot of boiling water for the tea that he and Stan always drank. 

Stan nodded, “So tell me more about what happened last night, you haven’t been up that late since the beginning of school.” Stan said sitting in the spot that he always did and taking off his shoes. 

Eddie finished up the tea that he was making, headed over the where Stan was sitting and sat down himself. “To be honest with you, my mind just won’t shut the fuck up.” Eddie explained blowing on his tea carefully. “Well, what's been on your mind then?” Stan asks, sipping his own tea. 

Eddie stays silent, he knows that if he tells Stan that he was gay, Stan wouldn’t judge him, he was his best friend after all. “Just in general?” Eddie asks, trying to diverge the conversation anyway that he could, which he knew wouldn’t work. 

“Yes Eddie, what has been bothering you?” Stan said, Eddie could tell that Stan hated when he tried to diverge the conversation. But it was his only defense strategy and he didn’t want to say that he was gay out loud, because then it would make it true. 

Eddie sighed and put down his mug, “I think that I’m gay.” Eddie said quietly, but not too quietly so that Stan wouldn’t be able to hear him. Stan placed his own mug down on the table next to Eddie’s, “That’s what you gave me anxiety about?” Stan asked, “I thought that you were going to tell me that you wanted to move back to Derry.” Stan said, shaking his head. “As if, that is the last place that I would be caught dead.” Eddie said laughing.

Stan joined in and also started to laugh, “But seriously, why would you think that you being gay would make me look at you and our friendship differently? You were the first person I told about being gay, and the first person that I told about Mike and Bill.” Stan said, placing his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. 

Eddie smiled brightly at Stan, “I know, it’s just terrifying, we aren’t in highschool anymore.” He said looking down and fidgeting with his hands. “I just don't know how to tell everyone else.” Eddie explained, still fidgeting with his hands. “Then don’t tell them yet, you know that I would never ever out you.” Stan said, smiling at Eddie.

“Thank you, for always supporting me.” Eddie said, not knowing how else to carry the conversation, Stan nodded in return. 

-

Stan had left a couple of hours after their conversation finished, Eddie had wrapped himself in one of the blankets that were draped over the couch and started to doze off.

He was probably only asleep for an hour when he heard the door open, Richie tossed his keys on the table and kicked off his shoes. Eddie sat up and started rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “How was work?” He asked, grabbing his phone and checking the time, Richie had worked late, which was common for him to do.

“It was good, after this week I’ll be working full time, but don’t worry, I told them about the band practices and gigs that we have planned and I can get those days off.” Richie explained, he started pulling off his socks before he sat down next to Eddie.

“I’m really glad!” Eddie said happily, he felt good about the day, he told Stan that he was gay without having to admit that he was madly in love with Richie, and Richie would be getting more hours while still being able to play in the band. 

Everything was starting to look up for Eddie.


	6. On account of Richie's big mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lot longer then my other chapters, which Is why this took so long, I had to go back and edit it several times just to get it perfect to post  
> thank you guys for reading this, I really really do appreciate it  
> (my Tumblr is @Strightjacketavi follow for more updates)

A couple of days had passed, and The Losers were getting ready for their first show. The Losers had decided that they were going to stay at Stan, Mike and Bill’s house, they didn’t want to get up super early in the morning and their apartment had the most room for everyone and all of their equipment. 

They were doing what they always did, they were drinking and just laughing about everything that they had been through in highschool. Richie was telling a story about when he had found out about the poly relationship, of course he was the last one that they told on account of Richie’s big mouth. 

“You guys had been dating for so long! And I'm not even mad that you guys didn’t tell me, I was more offended that you didn’t invite me to join.” Richie said laughing and downing the rest of his drink, Eddie started laughing so hard he almost choked, and of course Stan threw a rolled up sock at Richie’s head, Even Bill and Mike were laughing. 

“Listen Rich, You know why they didn’t invite you?” Ben said, Bev obviously knew what he was going to say and tackled him from her seat, “They didn’t invite you on account of your absolutely awful jokes that you make.” Bev finished for him, Ben looked hurt that his girlfriend wouldn’t let him finish his own sentence. 

“Actually, you know why we didn’t invite you Rich? The REAL reason?” Bill asked, leaning closer to Richie’s face, “Oh why is that Billiam?” Richie asked, grabbing another drink off of the table. Stan was trying to reach over Mike and pull him back into where he was sitting, Eddie couldn’t stop laughing at this exchange. “The real reason is because your breath…. Really fucking stinks.” Bill said pushing Richie backwards. That sent Eddie into absolute histrarics, which caused the rest of them to follow Eddie into fits of giggles.

-

It had taken them a few hours to calm down and actually fall asleep the night before, but they did. Eddie and Stan of course were the first two awake, it has always been that way even in highschool. They always woke up around the same time, made coffee and just chatted, after all, Eddie and Stan had been inseparable since elementary school.

“So, how are your classes Stan? Have you decided what you want to film for your final?” Eddie asked as he mixed the sugar and cream into his coffee that Stan had placed on the table in front of him. Stan sighed as he took the seat next to Eddie at their table, “Well, I was going to do a piece on you and the band, if that would be okay with you?” Stan asked, bumping Eddie’s arm with his elbow. 

Eddie smiled at the other boy, “I would be absolutely fine with you doing that, and you know Richie loves to be in front of cameras.” Eddie said laughing, Stan started giggling “Don’t I know it, when I was going through my portfolio for this college, do you know how many pictures there were of Richie? Almost half.” Stan said, raising his eyebrows, “That boy sure knows how to work the camera.” Eddie said, “Cheers to that.” Eddie responded as they clinked coffee mugs. 

“Are you two talking about me?” Richie asked, walking into the room in sweatpants and a hoodie, he was grinning his shit eating grin and walking over to the coffee machine and pouring himself his own cup. “Not every single person in the world is always talking about you Trashmouth.” Stan said downing the rest of the coffee that he had in his cup and standing up. 

Eddie laughed and continued to drink his own cup, as he watched Stan disappear into the bedroom to get his partners up and awake. Richie came over and sat down where Stan had been sitting previously, “So are you excited about the show?” Richie asked as he took his first sip of coffee, Eddie sighed and looked down into his coffee mug, “I’m actually really nervous, what if no one likes our stuff? I’ve been writing songs since I was in high school. Maybe they won’t apply to people, maybe we should have just stuck with covers or something.” Eddie stopped himself before he talked himself into the ground.

Richie put his coffee down on the table, “Hey, hey Eds, I promise that everyone will like your songs, everyone here likes them.” Richie said as their other friends started coming out into the living room. “Yeah Eds, your songs are really good, and the fact that they all have emotion makes them so that anyone can relate to them one way or another.” Bev explained pouring two cups of coffee and handing the other one to Ben, who looked like he had been asleep for 20 years. Ben nodded and sipped his coffee, “You have nothing to be nervous about, we aren’t in Derry anymore, you don’t have to worry about your parents, they can’t come in to ruin anything.” Mike said, taking his own seat. Eddie nodded before he headed over to his backpack that was laying in the middle of the living room to grab his own laptop.

-

Eddie had decided earlier that week to get the prescription that his mom slipped in his bags before he left filled, it wasn’t the largest dose, but it was still a dose of Valium. He only took a pill when he felt like he was on the verge of a breakdown, and in the backseat of Stan’s car was the best time to take one. The rest of the day had gone by rather quickly, all of them took a turn taking a shower and getting ready before they loaded all of their equipment in the cars and started heading to the venue in two separate cars because they all wouldn’t fit in Stan’s.

They pulled into the parking space that was reserved for people that were performing, all of a sudden, that’s when Eddie felt the pill that he took kick in, all of the anxiety that he had on the drive melted away. He was even having a great time setting up his equipment, which he normally hated. 

They had finished setting up and gathered around Mike and the sound guy, “So your set is going to be four songs long, Eddie wrote up the set list and we are going to tape it in front of all of you.” Mike started explaining, “Now for the pep talk I have prepared.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “We have moved across the country, and we have stuck together and I am so proud of all of you, whether you are in the band or not.” He said. He gave Stan and Bill a kiss before he hugged Richie, Bev and Eddie, “Now you guys are up, so go out there and have fun.” 

Eddie took another deep breath before walking up on stage and standing behind the mic, and squinting to see the rest of the people in the room. “Uh Hello! My name is Eddie and I am the lead singer of the band Synthetic Cigarette, and I hope you enjoy this.” Eddie nodded to Bev and Richie as they started the intro to their set.

-

Eddie felt the warmth and happiness still surrounding his heart as they took their bow and filed off the stage. Stan was the first to start the hugging, followed by Bill, Mike and Ben, “That was absolutely amazing and they LOVED you!” Stan was saying over and over again as he hugged them all. Eddie was still trying to catch his breath from the excitement of being on stage and performing, they were all huddled up just as they always were, Mike had gotten called over to talk to the venue manager to set up more dates. 

“So do you guys want to pack up and then mingle?” Richie asked, Eddie was a little bit surprised that Richie even suggested helping them pack up their equipment. The other boys nodded and headed to grab their stuff and pack it up. 

Once everything was packed up, they all headed out to the floor. Eddie went to the bar and grabbed a soda for himself and for Richie. When he turned around to hand Richie his soda, he was having a conversation with another boy. The boy was tall and had curly blonde hair, he was wearing ripped black jeans and a pullover, Eddie felt something drop to the pit of his stomach. He sucked it up and walked over to where they were standing.

“Anyways you guys were really good, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you playing, I would love to get together sometime and talk more.” The boy said as Eddie was walking over, he tapped Richie on his shoulder. When the black haired boy turned around he was smiling, he took the glass from Eddie’s hand and thanked him, “Eddie, this is Connor, he really liked our set.” Richie explained. Eddie stuck his hand out and shook the blonde's hand, “It’s nice to meet you Connor.” Eddie said, taking a sip from his drink, “I really liked your set, you’re a really talented singer.” Connor said, Eddie blushed a deep red. Richie was shifting his weight, and looking the way he always did when he wanted to talk to a boy alone. 

Eddie took the question and excused himself, “It was nice meeting you Connor, If you’ll excuse me I have to go find Stan.” Richie nodded a thank you to Eddie as he walked around looking for his best friend through the large groups of people that were still milling around. 

Every now and then he would look back at Connor and Richie getting really close in the back of the venue. Eddie tried hard to keep a positive attitude towards Richie obviously not being able to keep it in his pants around Connor, He kept reminding himself that Richie usually preferred one night stands more than actual dating.

He turned back around, and saw Richie leaning in and whispering something to the other boy, he tried to keep his tears at bay, but as soon as he turned from sight of all the people, he could feel hot tears sting his eyes. He politely pushed his way through the crowd surrounding the bathroom, and ran into the empty bathroom. As soon as the door closed behind him he let the tears start flowing, he felt so stupid for crying, he always knew that he was a cry baby, from the time that he was in middle school, he would cry over the smallest things. 

He had finally finished wiping up his face when the door to the bathroom opened and a tall man with shaggy hair walked in. Eddie nodded with a tiny smile playing across his lips before he turned his head down towards the sink and took another pill that he had been holding in the front pocket of his jeans if he needed it after the show. The taller man, who had been watching Eddie the whole time, walked over to him, “Sorry to bother you, but I'm Damien, if you ever need anymore pills this is my number.” Damien said, Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, he had no idea what the taller man was talking about, but before that he could ask him, the man disappeared through the bathroom door. 

Eddie debated on throwing away the small piece of paper that the man had handed him in the trashcan by the door but stopped himself, and slipped it into his pocket, before heading out to the bathroom. He walked around the edges of the venue for a while looking for Richie and Connor, but only seeing Stan and MIke, so he decided to head over towards them. 

Stan was in the middle of asking Mike something when he made eye contact with Eddie and waving him over, Eddie smiled and nodded as he began his walk over towards the other two boys standing there. “Hey guys, have either of you seen Richie?” Eddie asked, grabbing Stan’s drink out of his hand and taking a sip, Stan made a face at his best friend. Eddie stuck out his tongue before handing Stan his drink back, “He’s with Bill, he is taking Richie, Ben, and Bev home.” Mike explained.

Eddie nodded, he felt a wave of relief that he didn’t end up leaving with Connor, Stan pulled out his phone and checked the time, “Oh shit, we should actually head out too.” Eddie nodded and followed his friends out of the venue and into Stan’s car. 

-

Eddie thanked the two boys for the ride and shut the car door, he headed up to his apartment. He could hear Richie talking softly, that is if you could ever describe Richie’s talking as soft, through the door. Eddie contoroted his face into a frown as he unlocked the door with his keys. Richie was sitting on their couch, in his normal sweatshirt and sweatpants combo, holding his phone up to his ear and laughing at something that the other person had said. Eddie could only assume that it was Connor. Eddie threw his backpack down and plopped his keys on the table, before walking to the kitchen and filling up his water bottle with the jug of water that they kept in the fridge. 

Richie didn’t even look up, so Eddie tried to ignore his loud talking and laughing as he left into his room to turn on the shower to get clean. He stripped down to nothing and climbed into the warm stream of water, his shower only took 10 minutes, he got out and into his comfy bedtime clothing. He expected Richie to be off the phone and would be coming into his room any second now.

He had been waiting for 15 minutes, he checked his phone, it was 2:30, Richie usually came in to bother him around 1:30 or 2. He had done it every night this week and last week like clockwork. He sighed before throwing his blankets to the side and climbing out of his bed and going to the kitchen to grab a drink. When he walked by Richie’s room, he could hear Richie still talking on the phone. He felt anger and jealousy rise from the pit of his stomach, he hated that Richie hadn’t said a word to him since the show and that ended hours ago, he didn’t even tell Eddie that he was leaving with Bill earlier that night. 

Eddie ran back to his room, forgetting all about where he was going in the first place. He threw himself onto his bed and let out a soft sob. He was losing Richie, not only as a potential boyfriend, but as a roommate and best friend as well. 

He let himself cry for a few minutes before he sat up and reached for his phone, he quickly dialed in Stan’s number, it rang for a few minutes before he heard a groan and a sleepy, “Hello?” Eddie took a deep breath, “Hey Stan it’s me, can you come get me? I can’t sleep and I need to get out of this house.” Eddie explained quickly, He heard some muffled talking and assumed that it was Stan talking to Bill about going to get Eddie. “Yeah, I’ll be over in 20.” He said before hanging up the phone. 

-

Eddie was waiting on the steps of his apartment when Stan pulled up, Eddie quickly got into Stan’s car. “Thank you Stan, I was about to lose my mind listening to Richie laughing and carrying on.” Eddie explained wrapping his arms around the other boy as a greeting, “You know I’m here to get you whenever you need it, just like back in Derry.” Stan explained as he pushed the gear into drive. 

“So is there anything that has been weighing on your mind?” Stan asks as they started driving the way they always drove when Eddie needed to get out of his apartment. Eddie started nervously playing with his hands as a million thoughts played through his head. Should he tell Stan that he’s hopelessly in love with Richie and has been since highschool? he wouldn’t want Stan knowing that he’s jealous that Richie is talking to another boy right now. 

“There is one thing.” Eddie said, Stan nodded to show that he was listening. Eddie took a deep breath, “Stan, how did you know that I was gay?” He asked quickly. Stan just glanced at him, “Eddie, I hated when people said this to me but, I think that I always had a clue.” Stan said with a supportive sounding laugh, “What do you mean that you think you always had a clue?” Eddie asked lightly. 

Stan sighed as he pulled into the parking lot that they always sat in and talked, he put the car in park before turning his body so that he was facing Eddie. “Well I just mean you are kind of a terrible liar, you swore up and down that you liked girls, and well Eds, you never asked a girl out, not once in your life.” Stan explained laughing, Eddie turned a deep red, “That obvious huh?” Eddie asked, scratching the back of his neck. Stan laughed “I’m afraid so, but you know I supported you then and I will support you now.” He stuck out his pinkie waiting for Eddie to wrap his around Stan’s like they always did, Eddie smiled and wrapped his own pinkie around the boys.

-

It was around 5am when Stan finally dropped Eddie off back at his apartment promising that he would be over later in the day so that Eddie could help him with his final project. “Oh Eds, by the way.” Stan said rolling down the window, Eddie turned around quickly, “I love you, text me if you need anything.” Eddie nodded and said that he loved him too, before Stan drove away with a final wave. 

When Eddie pushed the door open, he was greeted by Richie sitting on the couch in the living room and drinking a cup of coffee. “Where were you?” Richie asked as soon as Eddie closed the door behind him. “I was with Stan, he needed some help with one of his classes.” Eddie lied as he walked over to the kitchen to pour his own cup of coffee, even though he knew that the minute that his head hit the pillow he would be asleep. 

“I could ask you what you are doing up, you’re never up this early.” Eddie said sitting down on the couch next to Richie, “I’ve been up all night, which is weird because I didn’t hear you leave, I was on the phone with Connor until he fell asleep on the phone.” Richie said getting a weird dreamy look in his eye. Eddie felt his heart drop again, of course he was talking to Connor all night, who else would he have been talking to? “We are going to hang out later today too.” Richie explained, obviously not getting Eddie’s emotional hint.

“That’s great Rich, I’m so happy for you.” Eddie said downing the rest of the coffee he had poured before standing up, “I’m going to head to bed Rich, see you later.” He paused as if he was waiting for Richie to say ‘wait me too, I sleep better next to you anyways’ but he didn’t, in fact Richie didn’t say anything.


	7. Best friends huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Im so sorry about not being able to update this for a little while, I have been getting everything ready to go back to school at the end of this month! Follow me on Tumblr @Strightjacketavi
> 
> I also wanted to put a TW for alcohol and drug mention  
> I hope you enjoy

Eddie was woken up suddenly to his phone blaring Stan’s ringtone from under his pillow. He sighed loudly as he realized that the amazing dream that he was having was floating away from him as he rubbed his eyes and realized that he was in his bed, alone.

He rolled on his side and grabbed is phone quickly and answered it, as soon as he had hit the accept button, Stan was talking, “Hey Eds, I have an off day, and I know that you do as well, can I come over?” Stans bubbly voice came through the phone. Eddie nodded before realizing that Stan couldn’t see that through the phone, “Yeah, give me like 30 minutes so that I can shower and stuff.” He said, trying to eliminate the groggy tone of his voice. Stan thanked him and told him that he would see him in half an hour.

He stood up and did a full body stretch, which caused all of his bones to crack all at once. He shuddered, why did he always wake up and crack all the bones in his body, when he knew logically that he hated the noises that they made. 

He ignored the weird need that he was feeling for the bottle of pills that sat on his sink, they seemed to be calling to him. He brushed it off as getting used to yet another medication that his mother had shoved upon him, even though she was all the way across the country. 

He walked out of his room, and went to knock on Richie’s door to wake him up and let him know that Stan was coming over. When he placed his hand on the door, it opened slightly and Eddie let his curiosity take over him and pushed the door all the way open. 

When the light from the hallway fell onto Richie’s mess of a room, his bed had no one in it. Eddie felt his heart drop, he closed the door and headed back into his room and into his bathroom. As soon as he walked in, he was fighting back tears again. He grabbed his phone out of his sweatpants pocket, and decided to text Richie and ask where he was, that is when he realized that Richie had texted him a few hours earlier. 

Trashmouth:  
‘Eds, I’m going out today with Connor, I’ll be home later, Have a good day.’

Eds:  
‘Just woke up and saw this, have fun, c u later’

Eddie sent his text, He knew that Richie would be able to tell that something was up with Eddie just by the way that he had texted him. He realized that he only had about 15 ore minutes until Stan would be here. He grabbed the bottle of pills that seemed to be screaming out to him, and poured out two instead of one to maybe shut his mind up, took them, and started getting ready to shower. 

-

After his shower, Eddie felt calmer then he had in a really long time, he even began to hum to himself as he got ready and walked into the living room with his laptop to wait for Stan. He then remembered that Stan was coming over to film for his final, he silently cursed at himself for forgetting and sat down on the couch to get a little bit of homework done before Stan came over. 

-

Stan pushed the door open a few minutes later, dumping everything that he had in his hands on the front table. Eddie looked up from his laptop and greeted the other boy, “How was the drive over?” Eddie asked, he always worried about Stan driving, in fact he always worried about any of the other Losers driving, he guessed that it was all of his anxiety that always told him none of them were okay. 

Stan was removing his sweater and kicking off his shoes, “It wasn’t bad.” He replied to the other boy, which was Stan’s answer every single time. Which was fine by Eddie, it caused him to not worry as much as he would have normally worried. 

Eddie nodded and stood up, wrapping his best friend into a hug, especially after last night, Eddie realized how much that Stan had supported him through their entire lives. Stan smiled warmly and stood back to look at Eddie, “Are you okay?” He asked scrunching his eyebrows in a look of concern. Eddie was taken aback by the way that Stan was looking at him, “I’m okay, other than the fact that I’m worried about Richie, he hasn’t been here all day.” He explained, he was trying hard not to look too concerned in case Stan would catch on to his big fat crush on Richie. 

Stan sighed, and followed Eddie to sit on the couch. “You know Richie, we kind of have to let him do his thing, I promise that he will be home later tonight.” Stan paused before continuing, “You remember how he used to get in high school with boys, he get super obsessed with being around them and spending all of his free time with them.” Stan said looking at Eddie. The other boy sighed and nodded, “You’re right, we just have to ride this out and hope to god that he isn’t being completely stupid.” Eddie said, that sent Stan into a fit of giggles. 

-

Stan had been there taking random pictures and videos of Eddie’s song writing process, Eddie was having so much fun that he almost forgot about the way the pill bottle called for him in the other room, when his phone buzzed and lit up. He picked it up and saw that it was another text from Richie. 

Trashmouth:  
‘I’m not going to be coming home tonight, Connor invited me to stay the night with him’

Eddie felt his heart sink yet again, all of the happiness that hanging out with Stan had brought him, was replaced but an overwhelming sense of needing the bottle of pills on the counter of his sink. Stan immediately noticed that put a big wet blanket on Eddie’s mood, he had his suspicions, but he didn’t want to push Eddie. 

Stan knew that if Eddie was pushed, he would hide to truth deeper and deeper inside of himself, and would never tell him. So Stan didn’t push, instead he just asked one single question, “Everything okay there Eds?” Eddie looked up from his phone, he could feel tears start to sting at the corners of his eyes. It wasn’t fair that Richie had always been so flirty towards him, and even now, he would act like he was head over heels in love with Eddie, and yet, here he is with Connor, It just didn’t make any sense. 

Eddie sighed, not even bothering to text Richie back, “Yeah, I guess that Richie isn’t coming home tonight, which sucks because he knows how freaked out I get when I’m alone in this house at night.” Stan nodded, “You know I can always stay with you, besides it’s been awhile since we have had time to actually spend to gather just the two of us” Stan offered, all he really had to do was call Mike and Bill and tell them that he wouldn’t be coming home tonight. 

Eddie looked up at Stan, “I would really like that, when was the last time we had a night to ourselves to hang out?” Eddie asked, Stan laughed “Senior year.” He replied still laughing. Eddie leaned in and laid his head down on his best friends shoulder. “Do you want a drink? I think that we still have some alcohol in the freezer.” Eddie said standing up and turning on the Tv and gaming system as he spoke. 

Stan nodded as he watched Eddie head into the kitchen to grab the drinks, Stan took out his phone and decided to start texting while he waited. He knew that Eddie always opened the bottles in the kitchen, so Stan could text his boyfriends and tell them that he was staying at Eddie’s for the night. 

Eddie hummed softly as he was staring in the kitchen trying to twist of the tops of the bottles that he was holding. He knew that there was no rush, but for some reason, he was getting paranoid about how fast he should be doing things. 

He existed the kitchen holding the two opened bottles in each of his hands, he handed one to Stan and sat down taking a drink out of his own bottle. He tapped his phone to see if Richie had texted him saying that he changed his mind and that he was coming home after all, which of course didn’t happen because the universe hated Eddie. 

Eddie was still looking at his phone and thinking about how much the universe truly did hate him, when Stan yanked his phone out of his hands “Just going to take that, no use in torturing yourself Eds.” He said tossing Eddie’s phone across the room and onto Richie’s bean bag chair. Eddie laughed and decided not to go after it, he didn’t need Richie to have a good time with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this was a shorter chapter than normal, I haven't had time to write, I hope you enjoyed it anyways


	8. Didn't you tell him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! 
> 
> Heres a longer chapter that I hope you enjoy 
> 
> I accidentally deleted my Tumblr the other day so I had to make a new one, you can now find me @strightjacketav 
> 
> Look there for any updates on when chapters are coming out!! 
> 
> I love you all and hope you like this chapter

Stan had been at Eddie’s apartment for a couple of hours, and Eddie was starting to feel the pills that he had taken start to wear off. He was sitting on the couch with his legs draped over Stan’s trying to get a little bit of his work for school done, while his mind kept wandering back to the small orange bottle of pills that was sitting on the counter in his bathroom. He was trying to shake the thought from his head because he still had a bottle of MIke’s sitting in front of him. 

Stan was humming along to the weird study music that he always had playing in the background while he worked on anything and everything. Eddie bit his lip as he tried to decide what he wanted to do from here, he finally decided on telling Stan that he was going to the bathroom so that he could take some more. He swung his legs from off of Stan and grabbed his bottle of mike’s before stretching, “I’ll be right back, I just have to grab something from my room.” Stan just nodded in return as Eddie stood up and made his way to his room. 

He walked straight into his bathroom without skipping a beat, he grabbed the small bottle before dropping two out and gulping them down with a sip of alcohol, before he returned to his room. He looked around for what bullshit item that he could bring back out of his room so that Stan wouldn’t get suspicious. He walked over to the book shelf that was next to his desk and grabbed a random book of long poems that he knew he used last unit, but it would work. 

He was starting to feel the affects of alcohol and the pills as he flopped himself back onto the couch and laid his legs back onto Stan’s lap. 

-

A few bottles of Mikes and some more pills later, Eddie was nodding off on the couch. Stan finally realized that it was probably time to get Eddie to go to bed, he stood up and started collecting all of the bottles and the chip bags that the had accumulated in the living room around them. He carefully moved around so that he wouldn’t wake Eddie up from where he had fully fallen asleep, he deposited everything in the kitchen before walking back over to Eddie and gently shaking him awake enough to walk to his bed. 

After some trial and error, Stan finally got Eddie situated in his bed before laying down next to him. Eddie of course, had fallen right back asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Which was a little bit worrying because of how bad Eddie’s insomnia had always been, even when they were kids, he could never just fall asleep that well. 

-

Eddie blinked open his eyes before his set alarm would have gone off, his head was pounding and he felt like shit. But he threw his legs down onto the floor and he carefully grabbed all of the things that he needed to jump into the shower before Stan woke up. He turned on the shower before he took three pills from the pill bottle, as he tapped them out, he realized that he was running low on them. 

When he realized that, he felt anxiety grow in the pit of his stomach, he would have to figure out how to acquire more. Pushing that thought out of his head, he carefully climbed into the shower. 

The minute that his head hit the steaming shower water, he started to feel instantly better. His pounding headache started to melt away, but he couldn’t tell if that it was because of the pills or the shower, So he decided that it was a combination of the two.

-

He stepped out of the shower and started getting dressed, he could hear Stan through the door as he was on the phone, probably with Bill and Mike. He quickly got dressed in the bathroom, and opened the door. 

As soon as he opened the door, Stan was getting off the phone which was good timing. “Goodmorning sunshine.” Eddie said, Stan just flipped him off laughing. Stan was probably not a morning person, but it really depended on the day. “I really thought you would stop saying that after we graduated.” He said showing his curls out of his eyes, he shot Eddie a look which just caused Eddie to laugh. “Never ever Stanley!” Eddie said sitting down on the bed and starting to pull on the socks that he grabbed before he walked over to the bed. 

Stan stood up and went to the bottom drawer of Eddie’s dresser where he knew that Eddie kept extra of all of his friends clothing, in case they ended up falling asleep while they were hanging out. He pulled out one of the hoodies and a pair of sweatpants that were sitting on the top of the neatly folded clothing, He ducked into the bathroom to change. 

Eddie just scrolled on his phone as soft music played from the TV in his room, Stan always had to listen to music to sleep and to wake up. Come to think of it, Stan always had to be listening to music period. He picked up the remote from the bedside table where Stan had left it, and started with the process of turning off the gaming station and the TV. They did have class later so they wouldn’t be spending too long in the apartment. 

As soon as Stan walked out of the bathroom, Eddie started to get ready to leave the room he could grab his school stuff from his desk later.

When they stepped out into the living room, laughing about something stupid as they always did, Richie was sitting in the living room listening to his playlist on headphones. Eddie wasn’t really ready for his mood to instantly drop, but it did. 

Richie’s had a few small purple bruises along the collar line of his shirt, Eddie felt his face drop. His eyes stung like he was going to cry, but he couldn’t, not now, not in front of Stan and Richie. He sucked it up and raised his head, acting like he didn’t see the state of Richie, “Morning Rich, did you have a good day and night?” He asked walking to the kitchen to start a thing of boiling water for tea. 

Richie barely looked up from his laptop and whatever he was doing on there, “It was good, how are you?” Richie asked, his tone was obviously that of someone who didn’t really care to hear the answer. Eddie just stayed silent, he had known Richie for years and could tell that he didn’t care due to his tone, so he just stayed silent. Stan just looked between the two and shot a look of ‘I’m sorry’ to Eddie before he started grabbed the tea out of the cabinet that was just above Eddie. 

Eddie quickly poured the water into the cups that already had the tea bags plopped in it. He handed a cup to Stan before he says down on the couch on the furthest side from Richie, Stan was more than comfortable to sit between them. He had seen how Eddie and Richie fought in the past, and the best thing to do was stay silent about it and try to separate them. 

They sat in silence for about ten minutes before anyone spoke, “So what did you and Connor get up to yesterday?” Eddie asked placing his nearly empty cup down on the table in front of them. Richie closed is laptop and paused whatever he was listening to on the TV, before speaking, “Well, he took me to this really cool arcade, and then we went back to his dorm room, he has a single which I why we could be so loud.” He nudged Stan and winked, expecting one of them to laugh, but they both just looked at him with weak smiles. Richie jut cleared his throat before continuing, “We just hung out and he took me home before he went to class.”

Eddie didn’t really know how to process what he was hearing, Richie was the type of person to not date, he really liked to fuck around and leave. It was starting to cement in his head that Richie was actually dating someone and Eddie didn’t want to feel mad about it, but he also couldn’t make himself feel happy for him. Stan could tell that the tension that was raising inside of Eddie, so he decided to change the subject, “So Eddie was telling me that you and him came up with some really good cover ideas.” He said addressing Richie. 

Eddie was very thankful for Stan to change the subject, he started rolling through his phone as Richie was telling Stan about all of the things that he had thought of for the band. Eddie tried to tune them out so that he wouldn’t get more and more upset. He decided that he should just look at what classes he had to go to that day. 

After a few more minutes of the two talking about the band practice that they had scheduled later, Stan looked at the time “We should probably get going, you know how Eddie gets if he is late to class.” Stan said before turning to Eddie and sticking his tongue out. Eddie just laughed in response and took both cups, before turning and saying goodbye to Richie. Stan grabbed his backpack while Eddie grabbed all of the things that he needed from his room before grabbing his bottle of pills and stuffing them into his backpack.

-

Eddie had almost completely forgotten about what had happened that morning, he had a great day. He went to every single class and then met up with Bill, Stan and Ike for lunch. They had decided that Bill would drive Eddie back to the apartment, so that Stan and Mike could ride together in Mike’s car and spend a little bit of time together. 

Bill and Eddie were laughing about one of the dumb assignments that they had to do before the next class. Eddie grabbed his key out and opened the door, he was mid sentence with Bill when they walked in, Richie was still sitting in the living room but it looked like he had just had showered. His curls were still dripping with water and his skin looked like it had just been deep cleaned. Eddie loved when Richie looked like this, he was glowing, Eddie felt his heart catch in his throat. 

Richie looked up when he heard the door open and smiled up when he saw his two best friends walk in, he pointed and turned his head to signal that he was on the phone. “Alright Connor, I’ll call you later, Band practice is about to start.” He paused as he waited for Connor to say his goodbyes. Eddie didn’t really want to stick around to hear the mush that was coming out of Richie’s mouth, so he excused himself to his room and decided to put his things down. 

Eddie closed his door quickly, he leaned against it and looked around his room that was being lit up by the colorful Christmas lights that he kept on even when he wasn’t home. While he was leaning on the door he could still hear everything that was happening outside in the living room, “Oh Bill, he is so wonderful, he caring and he’s great..” Eddie didn’t want to hear the rest of the sentence that Richie was saying. 

He quickly turned away from the door and threw his backpack at the wall near his desk, before he grabbed the bottle of pills that he was holding and marched into the bathroom. He quickly taps out three pills from the bottle and swallowed them dry, he threw the bottle back into the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. 

His eyes looked sunken in, the dark bags that en circled his eyes. Oh if his mother saw him now, she would have had him packed and ready to leave yesterday. He took a deep breath and turned on his heel to join the other boys that he just heard enter. 

When he existed the room, he planted a smile on his face and tried to look happy and not high out of his mind. Mike was in the kitchen making coffee or tea or something, Stan was standing by the balcony holding something in his hand. Richie and Bill were sitting on the couch, talking quietly, Richie tried to offer a weak smile but Eddie ignored it and walked over to stand with Stan by the balcony. 

Stan was fiddling with his star of David necklace that seemed to have snapped, Eddie looked at him with sorry eyes. “Here let me try.” He said grabbing the star and the necklace, he slid the star back onto the small silver chain and handed it back to Stan smiling. “Thank you, I don’t know why I can never put the same thing back on the chain.” Stan said as he put the necklace back around his neck. 

A couple of minutes later, the door opened again and In came Bev and Ben. Bev was glowing, he could instantly tell that she had a good day in her classes. Ben looked just like he always did, tired. They joined Richie and Bill on the couch, Mike came back holding a few cups, some of them were tea and some coffee. He set them down in front of the corresponding people that preferred one or the other. 

After setting them all down after another trip to the kitchen, he stood in front of everyone, “Okay so Eddie and Richie came up with a few really good cover ideas that we can start practicing until Eddie comes up with another song.” Everyone nodded along as Mike spoke, Ben looked grateful to have some caffeine in his system. Bev and Eddie sat side by side, Bev was slowly taking a few pulls off of her vape, Eddie carefully tapped Bev’s leg in a way to signal that he wanted some, Bev looked a little shocked but handed it over to Eddie. 

Mike was just about to start another sentence, when Richie’s phone rang. Eddie felt anger bubble up inside the pit of his stomach but decided to just take another pull of Bev’s vape. Richie looked apologetic as he grabbed his phone off the table, answered it, and left the room. Stan glanced over at Eddie and realized what he was holding, he looked like he was going to say something, but bit his tongue. Probably because they were in front of all of their friends. 

Eddie just cleared his throat before he spoke, “The first song that I think that we should cover is Loser, I think that it could be really fun and it would be a nice homage to our time back in Derry.” He said standing up next to Mike. The other boy just looked at him thankfully, Mike was great at talking but hated being interrupted because it always made him lose his train of thought. 

Eddie was just about to continue talking when Richie appeared out of his room, wearing a whole new outfit. “So nice of you to finally join us Rich.” Ben said, saying what they were all thinking as always. Richie just stuck his tongue out at Ben and turned to look at Eddie and Mike, “That was Connor, he’s downstairs because he wanted to surprise me by taking me out to dinner.” Richie explained, already getting ready to put his shoes on.

Eddie just stood there with his mouth open, feeling all of the anger from this morning and tonight bubble up and finally he couldn’t hold his tongue anymore, “Didn’t you tell him that you were fucking busy tonight?” Eddie said, everyone in the room looked around at him. He hadn’t yelled at Richie since they were in high school. Stan quickly stood up, and grabbed Eddie’s arm and pulled him into the hallway. 

“You have to calm down Eds, you just yelled at Richie in front of everyone.” He said, he looked at Eddie with deep worry in his eyes. “Are you okay?” He asked when he saw the Eddie was on the brink of tears. Eddie just nodded, “He’s just so difficult sometimes, I wish that he would tell Connor that he had plans for the night.” He said, he was too scared to tell Stan about his feelings for Richie. He knew logically that Stan wouldn’t be upset or judge him, but he didn’t think that the word would be able to come out of his mouth. Stan was about to say something when they heard the front door close, Eddie just stood up straighter and walked back into the living room. 

No one said anything to him, they all jut acted like it never happened. Except for the weird looks that their friends were giving each other, but he could tell that Stan had given them all the look of ‘Don’t ask.’ Eddie just stood back up next to Mike, and nodded as if to tell Mike that he was fine and that he should keep talking. “Anyways, Eddie I think that song suggestion could work perfectly for Synthetic Cigarettes.” Mike said and smiled warmly at the boy next to him. 

“I’m working on a song currently and I could probably bust out two if I really tried, so that leaves either singing Happy Pills again, and another song, or two covers.” Eddie said, Bev stood up “I think that we should do the two covers just so we don’t over play one song and have everyone get tired of it.” She said, Eddie nodded and took his seat to let the other two speak for a little bit.

-

All of their friends had left a few hours ago, which left Eddie alone in the apartment. Stan had tried to get Eddie to let him stay over and keep him company. Eddie had protested and promised Stan that he would be okay alone until Richie had returned. In the end Eddie won and Stan left with Mike and Bill. 

Eddie was sitting on the couch with his laptop open in front of him, he was trying to get the assignment that they had received that day in class. When the front door opened and Richie stumbled in, Eddie couldn’t tell if he was stumbling due to being intoxicated or just being a dumb ass. “Hey” Eddie said starting to log out of his laptop hoping that him and Richie could have a decent conversation. 

Richie kicked off his shoes and headed to the kitchen not really saying a proper hello, Eddie was a little annoyed at that but he didn’t want to start something right as Richie had come home. “Hey Eds, how was the rest of band practice?” Richie asked coming out of the kitchen holding a bottle of water. “It was fine, we decided on the two songs that I am in the process of writing and two covers, one I chose and one Bev chose.” He explained moving his feet so that Richie could also sit down on the couch. 

Richie nodded opening the bottle of water that he was holding, they sat in silence for a few minutes, both of their eyes were focused on the show that was playing before them. Eddie decided that he was going to be the bigger person, “How was your date? You two are getting awfully close, has he asked you to be his boyfriend yet?” Eddie didn’t really want to know what the answer was, but he decided that he should ask anyways. “He actually asked me tonight.” Richie said blushing. 

Eddie felt anger and hurt form at the pit of his stomach, he somehow knew what the answer to the question was before he even asked it, “The date was good, he took me to some diner across town, and then took me to coffee at a 24 hour coffee shop that you would have loved.” Richie continued, Eddie smiled weakly. It made him happy that Richie was at least thinking about him while he was on a date with Connor. 

“I’m really happy for you Rich.” Eddie said smiling, “I’m getting pretty tired so I think I’m going to call it a night.” Eddie said before collecting his things and heading towards his room, he was almost waiting for Richie to ask if he could come in to watch a few episodes of the show that they had been watching, but the question never came. “Goodnight Eddie, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Richie said as he continued to lounge on the couch after Eddie had gotten up. “Night Rich.” Eddie said weakly, he was holding back his tears as he fell face first onto his bed.


	9. you are so full of shit Richie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! 
> 
> 2 chapters in 1 week? un heard of 
> 
> anyways I just wanted to say that this chapter talks about drugs and alcohol, I just wanted to be transparent with you all 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter

Eddie’s week had progressed into the toilet, he had almost completely run out of the pills that he was using at any given point in the day, and he was only slightly panicking on where he was going to come up with more. He couldn’t understand the feelings that he had towards this medicine, every time that he told himself that he was going to go a few hours, or god forbid a day, he always felt like the pill bottle was drilling a hot iron into the fore front of his mind. No matter where he kept them, his mind was always drawn to them, And when he was starting to run out of them, he started to revert to other methods that seemed to make the hotness in his mind go away. Most of the time out was alcohol, sometimes weed, maybe a cigarette here and there, and most of the time the vape that Bev always kept with her. 

-

Tonight was another show and it was the perfect time to use the last of the pills, so he was backstage washing down the pills with some sort of alcohol that he had begged Richie to bring him from their apartment. Stan was standing in the corner talking to Mike before they had to go on, but h was keeping an eye on Eddie. 

-

Eddie felt really good after their set, they did their usual gratitudes and thanking Mike (As always) for setting up this show for them, because they would truly be lost without him. Richie basically sprinted away from them, but Eddie just felt numb to any emotions that his body tried to produce. He told the others after they had loaded all of their things into the car, that he was going to wander around for a little bit. The others wished him well and told him that they would meet him back at the car later that night. 

Eddie headed back into the venue and sat himself down in front of the bar, he set his head down in his arms for a few minutes before he felt a slight tap on his shoulder. He picked his head up quickly, he didn’t want any of his friends seeing the state that he was in. When he picked his head up he saw a young looking man standing over him holding a small piece of paper, “HI?” Eddie questioned. The man didn’t say anything and handed the piece of paper over to him, Eddie furrowed his eyebrows before he accepted the paper and let the other man walk away. 

“What the fuck?” Eddie said aloud before he unfolded the paper and read the scribbled writing. ‘If you need it, there is a guy in the bathroom right now with what you need.’ Eddie looked over the paper a few times, under the note there was a phone number written in a haste. Eddie shoved the piece of paper into his jeans pocket, he scanned the club to see where his friends were. He didn’t see them right away which was what tipped Eddie off that they were still outside talking to Bev as she vaped, and they were also probably with Richie and Connor. Eddie sighed, that at least meant his friends didn’t see that weird exchange, and that meant he didn’t have to explain why he was going into the bathroom right after the weird exchange happened.

Eddie looked around one final time before he pushed the door to the bathroom open. Standing there was another tall man, “I was told to meet you in here?” Eddie said waving the piece of paper. The taller man nodded, “You’re looking for drugs aren’t you?” The man asked, Eddie stepped back for a minute, “I mean.. I uh..” Eddie didn’t know what to say, he thought for a moment, He guessed that the pills that he was taking would be considered a drug. “I guess I am.” He finally said, the man laughed, “How much you got?” He asked taking a step closer to Eddie. 

Eddie took a step back and stuffed his hand into the pocket that he always kept cash in, he silently pulled it out and shoved it towards the other man. The man quietly stepped forward and took the money from Eddie’s outstretched hand, Staying silent, he reached into his own pocket and pulled out three small bags filled with white powder. Eddie must have looked confused, because the man sighed and tapped a little bit out with his finger before snorting it up his nose, “You must be new at this, you put a little bit on your finger and breathe it in through your nose, it works faster that way.” He explained, Eddie nodded and held out his hand, the man dropped the bags into his hand and walked out of the bathroom, not saying another word. 

Eddie just stood there for a couple of minutes before he opened one of the bags and did exactly as the other man had done. He coughed as he felt the shit he was inhaling his the back of his throat, then he stuffed the bags into his pocket and went to wash his hands. When he was in the middle of washing his hands, he could start to feel the effects of the powder. He finished washing his hands and existed the bathroom, running straight into Stan, He looked up at the taller boy with a wide toothed smile, “Stanley! Just the man that I wanted to see! How are you? Where are the others?” He asked in a rapid fire way, Stan looked down at him with a puzzled look on his face, “Well Richie went somewhere with Connor, and Bev and Ben just left, I was actually coming to find you because I knew that you needed a ride home.” He said.

Eddie grabbed onto Stan’s elbow as he started to walk away, Stan looked taken aback, but allowed it as he lead Eddie out of the venue and towards his car. Bill and Mike were leaning on it having a conversation, when they saw the other two boys approach, they both picked up on the panicked energy that seemed to be radiating off of Stan. Eddie couldn’t pick up on it because he was too busy humming along to the song that was playing inside of the venue. Mike couldn’t tel if Eddie was drunk, or had been smoking weed, but he quickly opened the car door and Stan helped Eddie inside. 

Once they had all gotten situated in the car, Mike hopped into the passenger seat, he could tell that Stan was too anxious to drive. Stan nodded a thank you at Mike as Eddie laid his head down into Stan’s lap, Stan just brushed the hair from Eddie’s closed eyes. 

-

Eddie didn’t even remember half of the night, more so, how he got home and into bed. He sat up slowly and pushed his own hair out of his eyes, he quickly swung his legs over the side of his bed and moved quickly and silently to the pants that he was wearing the night before and grabbed the small bags out of his back pocket and headed into the bathroom to shower. So that he looked at least halfway decent before he left his room, he threw the small bags into the top drawer of his sink and then quickly set up the shower to jump in. 

He let the water wash over his body, he quickly did his whole shower routine before hopping out. He felt a lot better but he knew that he would feel even better after he took something, he opened the drawer that he had thrown the small baggies into a little more aggressively then he would have liked, he grabbed one out, he did exactly what the man had done the night before. He coughed again, he knew that he should probably try to be a little quieter, because whoever was out in the living room, knew that he was awake now. He quickly threw on anything that he could grab quickly, and took a deep breath before he pushed the door to his room open. 

When he saw who was actually sitting on his couch he felt the breathe catch in his throat, sitting on the couch was Richie and Connor. Richie had his head on the blonde boys shoulder, they were watching what looked like the news, both of them had mugs filled with coffee sitting in front of them. Eddie just decided to ignore it, “Goodmorning!” He said cheerfully, Connor didn’t move but Richie sat up, “It’s hardly morning Eds, did you look at the time? It’s past noon.” Richie said, Eddie couldn’t tell if there was a little bit of concern in his voice or not. “Psh, still morning if I just woke up.” He returned, before heading to the kitchen and grabbing the pot of coffee that was already made and pouring himself a cup. 

He ignored Richie’s weird look and sat in the comfy chair that they had and opening his phone. 

Eds: ‘Guess who is here, It’s Connor’

Stan the man: ‘Well, they are dating now’

Eds: ‘I just have this feeling that he hates me, so its really awkward. Could you come over?’

Stan the man: ‘Yeah,   
Just make conversation  
I’ll be there in half an hour’

Eddie sighed and took a long sip from his coffee, “So Connor, what are you going to college for?” He asked deciding that he should probably break the silence before Stan shows up. Connor blinked at Eddie, “I’m just taking the basics right now, before I decide.” He explained. Eddie nodded and took another sip of his coffee, “Eddie is a Creative writing major, he writes all of our songs!” Richie said smiling really wide, Eddie made eye contact with him and felt his face turn a deep shade of red, “He’s really good at writing too, not just songs, everything that he writes is amazing.” Richie continued, Eddie watched Connor’s face turn from a normal sitting face to one that Eddie could detect the anger that was coming from him. 

Eddie looked away, “Well Rich, I should probably get going.” Connor said, Richie stuck out his lip in a pout, “But why? You don’t have class it’s Saturday.” Richie protested, Connor shot Eddie a really ugly look. “Well I mean, all of our friends are coming over later to jam for a bit and just hang out, I know that we would love to have you there.” Eddie felt his mouth moving before he was even thinking about what he was saying. Connor raised his eyebrows at Eddie as he processed what he was saying. “I guess I could stay, I would love to see you guys just jam for the first time.” Connor said giving Richie a kiss.

-

Stan ended up showing up with Mike and Bill a few hours later, both Mike and Bill were carrying some of the things that Eddie had forgotten in their car the night before. Eddie greeted them at the door, “Hey! Bev and Ben are in the middle of something right now but they are going to head over right after.” Mike said placing the mics and other things that he was holding down on the floor. Eddie nodded and wrapped Mike into a hello hug, and then Bill and Stan. 

Stan looked a little panicked when Eddie pulled away, and then when Eddie tried to follow the other two boys into the apartment, Stan grabbed his wrist, “Are you okay Eds?” Stan asked, Eddie tried to smile and laugh it off, but before he could get the chance, he could tell that Stan was being one hundred percent serious. “I’m a little tired, im not going to lie, and this writing project I have is really kicking my ass.” Eddie said, he wasn’t totally lying. But what was he supposed to say ‘No Stan, I’m in love with Richie and I have been since high school, oh and I think I’m slowly falling into a drug habit that is taking a lot out of me to hide from all of you, and I’m slowly dying inside from it’ 

Stan just looked at Eddie with sympathy, “If you need any help, just let me know, I know that Bill can be a lot to work with.” Stan said rubbing Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie just smiled at him and thanked him, just as they had decided to follow the others into the apartment, the door opened again, “Sorry we’re late, Ben needed to finish a project.” Bev said in her sing song voice, Ben for once actually looked awake and alert. “And now i’m free from projects for the next week and a half!” Ben said sounding as happy as he had in a really long time. 

Eddie smiled and gave both of them a hug, “You must be Connor, I don’t think that we have officially met, I’m Ben.” Ben said sticking out his hand to Connor, Eddie didn’t know that Ben hadn’t met him yet, he kew that Bev had because Bev and Richie were super close. Eddie took that as his key to sneak into his room, when he got into his bathroom he clutched the sink and looked at his appearance again. He didn’t remember the last time that he looked into the mirror, he never liked doing it, even if he was in passing. But he didn’t expect to look as sick as he did, his eyes had dark purple rings around them, and his eyes looked like that of a halloween Skelton, his cheek bones were poking out more than they ever had. 

Eddie decided that he was just going to ignore it, he opened the drawer and grabbed the baggie again, this time he decided that he was going to do two more bombs than he had done earlier. He sat on the bathroom floor and felt tears start to leak out of his eyes, he hadn’t let himself cry over Richie in a long time, he cried his knees to his chest and held onto them as he let rivers flow from his eyes. 

He let himself cry for about 5 minutes before he wiped his face off with a tissue and stood up, holding his head high, he grabbed his song writing journal and walked out into the living room. “Hey Eds where have you been?” Richie asked, Connors arm was draped around his shoulders. Eddie held up the journal and smiled, “I couldn’t find this!” He said walking over to sit on the arm of the comfy chair next to Stan. 

“I don’t have a new song yet, but I’m working on a couple if you want to try them.” He said, the high was setting in nicely and Eddie felt like nothing could hurt him. But he couldn’t tell if it’s because he finally let himself cry, or the drugs, it was anyones guess. Bev and Richie stood up and started putting together all of the band equipment, Eddie joined them handing the journal that he was holding to Stan.

-

They had been playing around with the two songs that Eddie was working on for a little over an hour, they were playing around with some chords for half of Eddie’s new songs. Someone had gotten the alcohol out of the freezer, and handed it out, Eddie was getting drunk and Stan was too, so of course they both decided to fuck around on the mics and sing together. All of them were laughing, except for Connor but Eddie didn’t get a fuck. 

After the song that Stan and Eddie decided to do Eddie sat down next to Richie laughing, “You guys used to sing that song every time we had a sleepover.” Richie was saying as he pulled Eddie into a tight hug, Eddie was still laughing as he wrapped his arms around Richie to return the hug. “Do you want a cigarette? I could really use a cigarette.” Eddie said, Richie nodded and stood up. Connor looked like he was waiting for Richie to invite him too but he didn’t and Eddie smirked as he followed Richie onto the balcony. 

Right as Richie was handing Eddie a cigarette the door opened again and Connor joined them on the balcony, he asked Richie for a cigarette just as Eddie had lit his. He walked over to the corner of the balcony with the chair and then ash tray that he liked to use, he was moving the lit cigarette back and forth as he watched the other two boys talk and laugh. His eyes were trained on his feet when another set of feet joined his, he looked up and Bev was standing there holding her vape, she smiled and held it out, “I know you like this better than cigarettes.” Eddie took it into his hands and took a long drag. 

Bev sat down on the balcony in front of Eddie and laid her head in his lap, “Anything weighing on your mind Eds?” She asked, Eddie sighed and watched Richie and Connor head back inside. Eddie sighed, “Bev if I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone else?” Eddie asked, just then the door opened again and Stan joined them on the balcony, Eddie sighed, “Stan could you come here? I need to tell you and Bev something but you need to promise to not tell anyone else.” He said. 

Stan came over to sit with the other two, “And what is that Eds?” Stan asked, Eddie took another deep breath, “I’m in love with Richie and I have been since high school.” Eddie said, looking down at his hands trying to look anywhere but his friends. Stan sighed, “Well that explains why you get weird around Connor.” He said, Eddie lifted his head to look at his best friend, Bev just looked happy.

“Oh thank god Eds, I thought you were going to tell us that you were addicted to drugs.” Bev said, Eddie felt a little piece of his soul die when she said that, he knew that he shouldn’t lie to them about his drug habit that was getting a kick start. Eddie couldn’t return with a sentence, so he just smiled thankfully at both of his friends. Eddie was just glad that he at least told two of his friends that he liked Richie, it felt like a big weight had been lifted off of his chest. 

Eddie stood up after they sat in silence for a few minutes, “I think we should join the others inside, I had half a bottle of alcohol left and I swear to god Richie has probably drank it.” He said, Bev burst out laughing, “Of course he has already drank it, we are talking about Richie.” Stan reached up signaling that he needed Eddie’s help to get up. Eddie did so and once Stan was on his feet he pulled Eddie into a hug, “I’m proud of you.” Stan whispered into Eddie’s ear, which of course brought happy tears to the corners of his eyes. “Thank you.” Eddie said softly as he followed both of them into the apartment. 

When they entered, Richie was holding Eddie’s bottle just like he had predicted and he was saying something stupid, Eddie looked around but couldn’t see Connor anywhere, either he went home or he was in the bathroom but right now Eddie didn’t really care which one it was, “Yo RIch, is that my drink that you are holding?” Eddie said as soon as his feet hit the hardwood floor. Richie looked at Eddie and downed the rest of the drink that he was holding, “So what if it was? What the fuck are you going to do about it?” Richie asked, Eddie didn’t say anything but jumped at Richie and tackled him. 

The entire group was laughing, as Eddie was playfully sitting on Richie’s chest. He saw that Richie had opened another one of the flavors that he liked to drink, so Eddie picked it up and started chugging it, only getting off after he had finished the bottle. Richie clutched his heart and pretended to die, “You wound me Eds.” He said making his face look as sad as he could make it, “You are so full of shit Richie.” Eddie said flipping the other boy off. 

-

Somewhere along the hours that they had spent together, Eddie had learned that Connor had gone to sleep in RIchie’s room, and the rest of them decoded that the best course of action would be to have everyone sleep here, just so there was no risk to their safety of they had all driven home. 

Eddie decided that he wanted to pull his mattress out from his room, while he was getting ready to drag the mattress out, he also made sure to do enough of the powder to get him high for the rest of the night. He didn’t really think about the risk of mixing these unknown drugs with alcohol but he didn’t really care. 

He dragged the mattress out right when the others were done pulling out the best from the couch. Eddie plopped down his mattress and sat on it to watch what the others were doing, and because he started to feel the high, and he had decided that it would have been better for him to sit down than to pass out right in front of all of his friends. Stan joined Eddie on his bed, they always had decided to just sleep on Eddie’s bed every time that they all stayed over just to give the rest of the losers space. 

Eddie was listening to everyones quiet conversation when he felt his eyelids become heavy, he yawned and closed his eyes and almost instantly he was asleep.


	10. You're so full of shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I promise that I'm not dead!  
> I am actually in school for creative writing, and it kinda took over my life for the past few months, but I finally had time to sit down and write a bit for myself and this fan fiction.  
> I will try in the future to not leave this abandoned forever and that I will always come back to it 
> 
> Love you all and hope that everyone is doing well

Eddie slowly opened his eyes to the glowing light that was streaming into the window, he sat up slowly to stretch and look around the room to see if anyone else was awake.  
His big brown eyes met with Stan, who was laying next to him and scrolling mindlessly on his phone.

“Goodmorning, would you like to make some tea and then head out to the balcony?” He asked in a hushed tone of voice.  
Eddie nodded carefully before standing and heading into the kitchen to brew a pot of tea, as he waited for their tea bags to steep, he leaned against the counter to watch his best friends when we're all around his living room, all but Richie and Connor who had left into his room in the early hours of the night. 

He carried the two mugs carefully, he nodded towards the door leading out to the small balcony.   
Stan nodded back and carefully made his way back over to the door.

Once they were situated, Stan spoke carefully. “How long until you are going to tell Richie about your true feelings?” He asked as he raised the mug to his lips to take a long drink. Eddie shrugged, “I’ve pushed down my feelings since before high school, I think that I can continue to push them down until the day that I die.” He said raising his cup to his lips. 

Stan rolled his eyes, “Please, you can’t live in denial forever.” He said softly. Eddie just shrugged, “It’s worked before, I don’t know why it can’t keep working.” He said softly, The truth is, that he felt terrible, every time he thought about Richie's stupid face, he felt a gut-wrenching punch in his ribs. 

After a few moments of silence, Eddie heard Stan choke on his tea.   
Eddie just looked at him in bemusement. “And what is so funny, that it made you choke so bad on your tea?” Eddie asked carefully knitting his eyebrows together.   
“Is this crush on Richie the reason that you have such destain for Connor?” He asked raising an eyebrow to look at Eddie. 

Eddie was taken aback for a moment, “I have no idea what you are talking about, I don’t hate Connor at all.” He said looking down into his tea with a faraway look in his eyes. Stan laughed again, “Eddie you are so full of shit and a terrible liar.” He said watching the smaller boy with carefully trained eyes. “I could tell that you hated him from the first day that Richie started to talk to him,” Stan explained as he looked at Eddie with careful eyes.

Eddie just sighed, “It’s not that I hate him, it’s that we don’t get along and I feel that he is trying to take Richie away from us.” He said, not daring to look at Stan in the eyes.  
Stan sighed and placed his cup onto the small wicker table that was to the left of his body.   
“Eddie, he’s not trying to steal Richie away, you’re forgetting that Richie is also in this deal, he wouldn’t dare leave us, we are pretty much the only people that can put up with his shit.” He explained, turning to face Eddie fully as he spoke.  
Eddie didn’t dare meet Stan’s eyes, “It’s just so weird to be in lo-“ He turned quickly when he heard the door open, his eyes meeting with Richie’s, coming out for his morning cigarette.

“Good morning Eds, Stan the man.” He said flicking his lighter as soon as the door was shut behind him. Eddie nodded hello as did Stan, Eddie raised the cup to his lips again. “You know, I always forget about how everyone ends up spreading out in our living room when we all hand out.” He said laughing as he blew out a large puff of smoke. 

Stan nodded, “We aren’t Bill’s basement anymore, there is room to be able to breathe and not sleep on top of one another anymore.” He explained with a laugh.  
Eddie had finished his tea and shoved all his feelings down and away from Richie.  
“And since you have your room now, no one has to deal with your shit-eating grin too early in the morning.” He said placing his cup down and sticking his tongue out at Richie. “Not to mention your snoring,” Stan added in, which caused Eddie to burst into a fit of laughter. 

“Hey! No one has complained about my snoring before this.” He said faking a hurt look. That was just as Bev pulled the door to the balcony open, “Actually Richard, I think I have complained about a million times before this I remember distinctly that Stanly tried to suffocate you with a pillow one time for snoring too loud.” She said plucking the cigarette out of Richie’s fingertips, which left Richie to pout.

Eddie laughed along with Stan and Bev before he caught sight of Connor glaring at the four of them laughing. Eddie stopped before clearing his throat and excusing himself to take the two mugs into the kitchen. 

Eddie placed the two mugs into the sink before slipping away into his bedroom, to change and think about the small bags some more.

It took him more time to talk himself into snorting a bit of them than it did to snort them. 

—

Eddie returned a short while later, wearing all new clothes and talking more quickly than he had been before he had slipped unnoticed into his room.  
Eddie was beaming widely as he walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, before sitting practically on top of Stan as he was explaining something.  
“How is everyone this fine day?” He asked around the circle, Stan gave him an odd look but didn’t say anything about the weird shift in Eddie’s mood.

Eddie looked around the room as all of them started responding about how they were, all except for Connor who seemed to be shooting daggers at every single one of his friends except for Richie. “We were just discussing some of Richie’s great moments in high school,” Bev said as she watched Richie roll carefully. 

“Oh like the time he decided that it would be a great idea to sneak into school after dark and change the grades?” He asked with a laugh, “How many times did you run from the cops Richie?” He asked laughing louder.  
“Hey, I hate cops, and our lives were boring back home so we might as well have had some fun.” He said tossing his head back to laugh at his own stories.

“Leave it to Richie to think that doing illegal shit is the definition of fun,” Bill said with a roll of his eyes. “Do you know how many times you got me grounded Rich?” Bill asked tossing a pen at his head. “Hey, it’s not my fault that all of you were lame,” Richie said with a stupid shrug as he dodged Bill’s pen toss.

All of them soon fell into their usual routine of laughing, all but Connor, who seemed to sit there silently in anger.

—

It had been. Few hours since Stan had noticed Connor glaring at them, so he started to glare back. Causing Richie to decide to leave with Connor to try and help the situation, as they were leaving Richie pulled Eddie aside.  
“You need to get over whatever the fuck you have against Connor because I like him and you seem to fucking hate his guts.” He said Eddie had no idea what to say.   
“I- I don’t have anything against him I just think if you have your dick so far in him you would be able to notice that he doesn’t like anyone around you,” Eddie said turning and leaving before Richie could say anything else.

He escaped into his room and shut himself into the bathroom as he breathed deeply, he knew that all of their friends had witnessed the conversation that he had with Richie.  
He heard the front door close, knowing that it was Richie and Connor leaving. He didn’t know who else had left.

After a few minutes of silence, he heard Stan’s voice through the door. “Eds?” He asked softly. Eddie slowly rose to his feet and unlocked the door, allowing Stan to enter carefully. “Who else heard what I said to Richie?” He asked before Stan could speak.  
“Just me, Connor was too busy talking to Bill about something stupid to focus on what you were saying.” He explained as Eddie sat back down on the floor.   
Stan’s eyes wandered the bathroom before catching sight of the three bags on the countertop, he pointed carefully, “What are those?” He asked picking up one of the bags. “Oh.. those are Richie’s, he must have left those in here the last time that we watched a movie in my room.” He said quickly, feeling terrible about lying to Stan’s face like that. 

Stan looked like he didn’t believe Eddie, but didn’t want to push further questions at that moment in time. “Who else left?” Eddie asked softly. “Everyone but me, they all left their homework at their apartments and wanted to get back to it.” He explained.   
Eddie nodded carefully and chewed at his lip, “I didn’t mean to blow up at Richie like that, but he was being so rude to me.” Eddie explained carefully. 

Stan just nodded, “I know, what he was saying to you was not okay for him to say.” Stan agreed. “I just wish that he went about it more nicely.” He explained. 

Eddie just sighed.

He needed to get over this shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!! I really appreciate it!


End file.
